The Radiant Mission
The Radiant Mission
95. From Transgender to Transformed (Part 2)
What happens when faith, love, and identity intersect in a life-changing way? Join us as Lex Renick shares her extraordinary testimony on the Radiant Mission Podcast. Listeners will be captivated by Lex's journey of transitioning and detransitioning, her whirlwind romance during the COVID lockdown, and the emotional challenges she faced, including revealing her transgender status to her husband and dealing with health issues. Lex's story is a powerful testament to the strength of faith and love, and how these elements can guide us through life's most daunting challenges.
In this episode, Lex discusses the pivotal moment when she chose to detransition and fully embrace God's will. Her husband Nick's unwavering support, after seeking his own guidance from God, redefined their relationship and solidified their bond. Explore how Nick stepped into a leadership role, and how their relationship grew stronger as they welcomed their daughter and experienced renewed love and unity through their faith. This chapter of their lives showcases the transformative power of divine guidance and mutual growth within a marriage.
Lex's journey continues as she details the miraculous experiences of transitioning off testosterone, healing from pre-cancerous cells, and embracing pregnancy. She shares the joy of overcoming years of amenorrhea and the empowering choice of a home birth with a Christian birthing team. Through Lex’s heartfelt story, listeners will be inspired by the beauty of natural birthing and the deepening of spiritual and relational bonds through motherhood and faith. This episode is a poignant reminder of the miracles that can happen when we trust in God and follow our Him with unwavering commitment.
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The Hello and welcome to the Radiant Mission Podcast. My name is Rebecca Toomey and we are on a mission to encourage and inspire you as you're navigating through this life and with your relationship with Christ. You're navigating through this life and with your relationship with Christ. We are currently in a series about the goodness of God and sharing testimonies. If you are here tuning in for the first time, welcome. So glad that you're here. Last week, we heard the incredible testimony of Lex Renick, who formerly lived as a transgender man for 14 years and joined us to talk about her experience with God and his transformational power and, ultimately, her detransition process. We are going to be diving into that deeper today in part two. So let's get into it deeper today in part two. So let's get into it. Let's go back to your husband.
Speaker 2:So you guys dated for a couple of years, a couple of months. How did that go? A couple of days. So back to that, that conversation meeting at the doc I just said after I said, lord, you know, like you've, if this isn't the life you want me to live and like change my sexuality and stuff, and I just was crying and I said you know what God, you promised to wow me. So wow me, like wow me. He blew my socks off with the love of my life, with my daughter in the other room. I am absolutely wowed.
Speaker 2:On one of our first dates we were so like hitting it off that we couldn't say anything other than the word wow. And then I cried because I realized I took him to the doc, that I prayed for him at, and um, but yeah, no, we actually. This is during COVID, this is during the lockdown. We were only together for three months the day of the lockdown and I proposed, and then six months we drove to Vegas and we got married. You know, the Bible says that if you can't wait to get married, and we were just feeling like we couldn't wait, so we wanted to get married and we knew our parents were going to think that that was crazy. But I mean, I remember being so scared telling my dad like I just know, and he just said love doesn't have a time clock. If you believe that this is the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with, then do it.
Speaker 2:So the rest is amazing.
Speaker 1:Did any of your family make it, or it was just the two of you?
Speaker 2:No, so it was us and then our immediate family, which was awesome. So, yeah, we had a good time. And then they they gave us free tickets to like the upstairs, like karaoke bar, and so we went up there and my husband's just an amazing singer and they gave us like a free bottle of champagne and it was just such memorable, such a memorable, you know, moment of my life.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's beautiful.
Speaker 2:We just celebrated four years married and this past year we actually renewed our vows as husband and wife.
Speaker 1:Congratulations and happy anniversary. That's amazing, that is so exciting. So now, you know, we kind of got to go back to your story a little bit because you had transitioned to a man when you met your husband. Yes, and how did he feel about that?
Speaker 2:yes. So on the first date, I'm like I'm like, okay, I have my dad always said if you're dating anyone or you're going to be intimate with anyone, you have to tell them. Like my dad was always like very clear, like you need to respect people enough to tell them, um, otherwise it's like immorally wrong. You know not that my dad agreed with the way that I was living, but he's like you have to morally tell these people before anything were to happen. So I'm like I really like you, but I have to tell you something. And so I'm like, by the way, I'm transgender. And he's like okay, so today I'm taking you on a hike and then we're going to go get caught. And I said, wait, wait, do you know what that word means? And he's like, yeah, but I'm not interested in that word, I'm interested in your heart. And it changed everything. I was like, okay, but I was so afraid because you know he's he's always dated men. So, um, I was like fearful of sharing that news with him because I didn't want him to maybe like not be attracted to me anymore. And he was just like I'm like so interested in you and your heart that it was just like God was working on his heart and my heart, like at the same exact time. We're both dealing with different temptations and feelings, but look what he did. It's absolutely miraculous. Like I was on hormones seven years. They were, they're in the process of removing my cervix. I was like they were telling me like you have to get your cervix removed because there's cancerous cells in your body. And I remember like I know I'm jumping ahead but my, uh, my fiance at the time I'm pretty sure we weren't married yet, but he because right when we got together, I was getting these biopsies done for my cancer cancer cells being removed and he said tell them that we want to pray about it. So for a year we prayed. I didn't go to the doctor, nothing.
Speaker 2:Years later, when the lord told me to detransition, um, and I told my husband and it wrecked our identity and our whole life, I assumed that I was no longer going to be married because that's not what my husband signed up for. He signed up to be married to a man and he just said look, I need an hour. I believe that, as your husband, that if the Lord spoke to you, then he'll speak to me. And he came back to one of the things that he told me was the Lord said that this is going to wow doctors. Well, I ended up going to get an annual checkup, that same doctor that told me I had cancerous cells, my cervix needs to be removed, I'm not going to be able to have children. She looks in, pushes the way, looks back and says I don't know how this is physically possible, but there's no sign of any precancerous cells. Your cervix was completely brand new and now I have my miracle baby in the other room.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's amazing. That is amazing. That is a wow moment, and wow was one of the things that from the Lord earlier. That's. That is so what. I'm curious what did your, so your husband, just walk through you with, through this, with you. He was like, all right, we're going to do this.
Speaker 2:And then how has that been? So we talked about the spiritual. I know I know I'm talking a lot, I'm so sorry You're like no, this is what you're here for. You talked. You know how you were saying. You were saying you know the demonic realm, the spiritual, spiritual realm. I'm so glad that people are waking up to that, because the more that you walk with jesus, the more that you just open this don't just go to a sunday service like open it for yourself and read the word.
Speaker 2:Once you grow with your relationship with the lord, you'll see that we are living in the spiritual realm we are. I mean, sometimes people will look at that homeless person and say like, oh, that's just mental illness. And I'm not saying that mental illness doesn't exist, because it does. But who's to say that some of that isn't actually spiritual? What if that person is actually under bondage? So part of what happened leading up to the detransition was that we were traveling for my husband's new job and thankfully the company paid for me to go with him and I just had all this time and even though I was identifying as austin and stuff, I didn't have so much conviction about us being together. Makes sense now because, no matter what, we are still like man and woman biologically, um, but like I would always struggle at least once a month about my identity, and like one like literally once a month since like once a month, like when your cycle was coming around.
Speaker 1:I didn't know if it was coming back or it was trying to like make its way in there.
Speaker 2:That's actually really funny. But no, like I would just like once a month I'd be in my word and then have all this conviction. I'm like what if what we were doing is wrong? Because we were already, you know, starting our ministry and honestly, if you think about it, it was kind of a ministry for the devil, not for the word at that point, because even though we weren't saying like, hey, you guys, being together is not okay or right or wrong or whatever, even though we didn't say that our relationship, our marriage, was already giving people permission because we are together and identifying as Christians, you know.
Speaker 2:So, long story short, we're in a whole new state and my husband's like this is around that time where I'm like, what if what we're doing is wrong? What if what I'm doing is wrong? And he said look, we're in a whole other state. I have to be at work for 10 hours. You're alone in this room. Why don't you just act like, make this your prayer room, seek God. If God's calling you to minister to someone, do that. If he's calling you to minister to someone, do that. If he's telling you to open your Bible, do that. But you need to seek the Lord. You need to get your answers from God. Praise the Lord for him.
Speaker 2:And so I just went to a moment of just like praying like crazy and like two days before this moment happened. He comes from a 10 hour shift and I saw a video of a pastor delivering someone from a a demonic tattoo that they've got on their body, and and I wrote down a deliverance prayers. The first time I've seen deliverance. I've seen an exorcism, you know like on videos and stuff, but I've never seen deliverance.
Speaker 2:And so my husband comes back and I'm like, hey, um, here's this like unscripted scripted thing. I'm not saying that I have anything, but just in case, because I got this demonic tattoo that I'd already been feeling conviction about, just felt like the Lord was telling me I needed to remove it, I'm like can you just say this prayer, and if nothing happens, then cool, but if something comes out, then that's even better. And so I'm trying to show the camera the tattoo that I have. It looks like a Ouija board but it actually says the words of it say we accept the love that we think we deserve. And that's one of my favorite quotes from a movie called Perks of being a Wallflower, and it's actually about a young kid who was sexually abused and went through anxiety and all that makes sense, but it's true. We accept the love that we think we deserve and I thought that I deserved abuse and that's what.
Speaker 2:I accepted. I remember when I got this. I remember when it was already healed. It was the first Sunday I went to church and I lifted my hands in worship and it turned bright red, like to the touch it was hot and I started like repenting for it because I'm like Lord, like I know it looks like a Ouija board, but it's not. It's just supposed to say that like this thought, this idea, you know, like I had good intentions when I got it, but I was just a baby believer, you know, I didn't realize the power. So anyways, my husband, back to that story. He comes back, he does this deliverance prayer over me.
Speaker 2:I hit the floor, I start convulsing, I lose consciousness and then I start foaming from my mouth and I remember, like fading in and out of consciousness and my husband was saying if there's anything that is inside at the time, austin, if there's anything inside of Austin that is serving anything but Jesus, I commanded in the name of Jesus to come out and go back to the pit of hell. And he kept saying out in the name of Jesus. And it came out. I threw up, I coughed up and when I came back to reality I was freaked out.
Speaker 2:My husband was freaked out because we had no idea, like we didn't even know what to say. I was just uncontrollably crying because it absolutely terrified me. I had no idea that I was under so much demonic oppression At that moment. Lust came out from me. At that moment, like like thoughts of my trauma left me, like at that moment I had no idea, but like just being able to hear the word and like hear God speak to me was so much more clear because I didn't have anything within me anymore. And I remember my husband being so like huh, huh. He just looked at me and he's like well, that was cool.
Speaker 2:I guess I could do that, yeah, yeah, he's never done anything like that, he's never seen anything like that. Yeah, and then two days later, a pastor pointed this out, that. And then two days later, a pastor pointed this out. He's like you were delivered and then you're able to hear the Lord tell you it's time to detransition. So God met me in that hotel room. I was crying on my face and I just said, lord, if this is not the life that you've called me to live, tell me. And he said, austin, do you trust me? Do you trust me with this? Think about how the disciples how they would either stop or come and follow me Choose to just come and follow me. And he kept saying do you trust me with this? Because at that point the Lord was reminding me of everything else in my past that I trusted him with. He said trust and follow, I will lead your paths and I will guide them straight. I had no idea I had this memorized, thank you, god. Normally I have to go find my journal, because I wrote it down in my journal and he just said go out fearlessly and boldly, share the good news of me. And I didn't realize that it would explode as much as it has. But I won't lie.
Speaker 2:After the Lord said that to me, I was yelling at God and I'm like Lord. Why? Why would you tell me to do this now, after I got toxic dreams, paid $10,000 cash and literally almost died on the table? Why would you tell me now? You couldn't tell me before then?
Speaker 2:And I just said you know what, lord, I'm going to choose to obey, even when I don't agree, because I know you and I know your heart. So, even in the fact that I don't agree, I'm going to choose to obey. And I just pray, god, that you renew my mind, because I don't know what it means to be a daughter. I don't know what it means to be a wife. I don't know what any of this means. But, god, I know that if you renew my mind, if you renew my mind, you're going to make this so much easier, because it's not going to be of me. You know he could just snap his fingers and change everything, and I was believing in that. And that's exactly what he did Full 360. Within 24 hours, the veils were torn. I was able to see everything and everything changed.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's incredible. Praise God. Praise God for that. And it's what is your husband's name, by the way, nick, nick, it sounds like he was walking with you through this, so it probably made sense to him to. Maybe I don't know, I'm just assuming the whole detransition process, and how was he able to support you through that, or? And how did that work, did you just? You were like all right, I'm, I'm not going to identify as Austin anymore. Or was it a progression?
Speaker 2:So he he came back to the hotel room. At this moment I really thought that my marriage was going to end because, like I was saying previously, he did sign up to have a wife. He didn't. That's not what he signed up for, and and our relationship dynamic was very different. In some ways I was more masculine and he was more feminine. In other ways, he was more masculine and I was feminine. So the gender roles were like really just jumbled, and so there would actually be strife within our.
Speaker 2:Relationship of like who was leading, because I was trying to lead and he was actually called to be the leader. Relationship of like who was leading because I was trying to lead and he was actually called to be the leader. Um, and so he comes in and he's poor guy, he said, had a 10-hour workday, he's just trying to eat. And he looks over his ears, just down my face, and he just is like, oh my gosh, you heard from the lord. And I'm like, yeah, come here. And so he comes over and I just tell him, I just say, look, this is what happened, laid it all out, and I just started crying. And I just say, look, this is what happened, laid it all out and I just started crying and I said I love you, but I need you to know that I love God more than I love you, and this is something that I have to submit to God. And if that means that I lose you because I have to submit to what the Lord is calling me to do, then that's okay. Because you didn't sign up to have a wife and I just said I'm worried that you're not going to be sexually attracted to me. I'm worried that you're not going to be attracted to me anymore. I'm worried that you're going to desire men if we continue this relationship. But at the end of the day, like I basically said, I release you. I have to trust, I have to trust God in this.
Speaker 2:And at that moment he just kind of looked at me and in the past we always said that God was going to come first. But he, he realized that at that moment I really meant that like it was going to be God more than him. And that's when he, that's when he said, okay, I need an hour, I'm not leaving you or anything, but like I need to go hear from the Lord too. And you know he came back and then he said what he said about it wowing doctors. He said this is going to be so much easier than you think because you're not doing it in the Lord's strength. He said that he's going to, he's giving you the strength and it's going to get you through all of this.
Speaker 2:And he just started changing right then and there the next day he got paid. He came back to the hotel room Normally I manage the finances and stuff and he's like okay, babe, what are we doing with the funds? And that's how I already knew that God was renewing my mind because I just straight up looked at him and said you're the leader of our family. I trust that whatever decision that you make is going to be best for our family, so I don't need to control any of that anymore. He just looked at me like who are you? And what happened?
Speaker 2:And then we just got to go on this wonderful journey of falling in love with each other all over again in a whole new way, and let me say God's way is so much better Because we already thought that we were so in love with each other. But I can truly say that my husband has been able to be the only person in my life that has fully been able to see me, and he's God's been so gracious and so kind to our marriage that if there is one word that I can describe my husband, I would honestly say that, that that he exposes the father's love Like you.
Speaker 2:Can't be around my husband without feeling the love of God, so that's beautiful. He goes to walk me through it. And and we just have been so blessed.
Speaker 1:That's amazing and it sounds like you know you mentioned he has his own testimony, so it sounds like he's also, I'm sure, been through quite a bit, and it's cool to see that you guys came together. When you came together and have walked through this journey of becoming husband and wife together, when neither of you really had that intention when you met, you know necessarily. And now here you are walking in that, with the Lord, that's a beautiful thing. With a daughter, yeah, let's talk about that. Okay, so you D transition and then y'all are like all right, let's have a baby. How, how did this? How did this go?
Speaker 2:So we didn't even expect it to be possible, because you know they were saying like we have to remove your cervix, all this stuff. Pre-cancerous cells.
Speaker 1:And were those pre-cancerous cells from taking hormones for such a long time, it was impacting your female organs.
Speaker 2:I 100% think so, because every trans guy that has been on hormones for so long, the endocrinologist will say like we have to remove the cervix. And I actually found out after my home birth that I actually birthed out all the scar tissue and all the testosterone hormones that were trapped in my cervix that were causing me pain. I thought the pain was normal. It actually wasn't. It was a negative side effect from the testosterone. So right after you know like well, I decided to do the transition. After the Lord told me like well, I decided to do the transition.
Speaker 2:After the Lord told me I I went and told my doctor because I was taking testosterone. I was taking 0.5 of testosterone with a needle this big weekly and that's not something that you can just like stop cold Turkey, because hormones have a lot to do with your mental health. So my healthcare professional was like we need to win you off slowly to make sure that you don't attempt off slowly, to make sure that you don't attempt suicide, to make sure that you don't have a lot of dysphoria, you know, to make sure that you're doing okay. And so I just remember hearing that from my doctor, and this is after she already saw that like my cervix was made new. And what I love about that is like when I asked God to renew my mind, and not only that, my husband's mind, he also renewed our bodies. Like like when God makes you new, he he physically makes you new. Like he made my body new the cancer was gone in the name of Jesus and yeah.
Speaker 2:So, um, yeah, my doctor just said you know like you have to win yourself off, and I remember we we went back home. A few weeks went by of me winning myself off and my husband and I would just go into our own prayer time. So I was praying and I just heard the Holy spirit say you don't need it anymore. Like stop taking it. And that's really big to do, especially when your body's reliant on this. So I'm like I have to go tell my husband this right now because, you know, sometimes we hear things from the Holy Spirit. We need accountability. For I didn't want to like my own knowledge and wisdom, you know, I just needed to tell him what the Lord told me.
Speaker 2:So I run in he's showering and I'm like, hey, babe, like I have to tell you something. He's like, hey, the Lord just said you don't have to, you don't need to use it anymore, we could just throw it away. And I look at him and I just start crying and I'm like that is confirmation. I just heard it in prayer. God said to stop taking it. So I stopped taking it cold Turkey, I was fine. There was no like anxiety, depression. My hormones were level. I didn't feel like I was raging or crazy or anything like that. I was completely level-headed. And then I had two periods and then I was pregnant.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's amazing, and that was after years of not having a period.
Speaker 2:I only had two thank God Cause those two are rough after not having them for seven years.
Speaker 1:And then I got a little. Iris. Wow, that is so amazing and I have to ask what was that experience like for you to be pregnant?
Speaker 2:I loved it. I loved it so much.
Speaker 2:And never in my life did I ever think that, because I so funny. Um, my husband and I found old videos of me saying like I could never be pregnant, like I can never imagine that this is Austin talking when I'm like a young kid, like saying like that's just not like what I'm meant to do and I could never imagine it. And we were laughing, like holding our daughter, just laughing, watching this video, because it's like God was like you have no idea what I'm about to do in your life. Yeah, totally. It just like it wrecked everything in the best of ways. Um, first trimester was difficult and it was hard, but I didn't know I had this gee, yeah, and I couldn't throw up, even though I wanted to, so that just made it worse. My mom was the same way. She couldn't actually throw up. Um, I loved all of it. I truly, truly did.
Speaker 2:And then the home birth that we got to have, like full body autonomy, just creating the atmosphere that we had. We interviewed and hired a Christian, like all Christian birthing teams. Birth is spiritual and it was everything that I prayed for, everything that I, you know, wanted, wanted it to be, and so I'm just so, so grateful. I'm like Lord, I don't know how to birth this baby, but you created my body to do that, and so I'm just so, so grateful. I'm like, lord, I don't know how to birth this baby, but you created my body to do that, so I'm going to trust that you know what you're doing and just get into it, and it was so beautiful to slow dance with my husband during it and just watching him nurture and like, take care of me at such a vulnerable moment. It just created such a deepening within our relationship.
Speaker 1:I bet, and you know I'm such a birth nerd and a birth junkie, so of course, I have to ask a lot of questions about this. How did you go down the path of home birth? Because that's not, like you know, the norm in our society. 99% of people are going to the hospital. So what brought you to that?
Speaker 2:Well, my husband and I like to say we're Christian hippies minus the psychedelics and the weed Like we're all Jesus, just crazy for him. So we do the best that we can as far as doing natural remedies of everything Like we don't even own, like cough syrup, Like I will make our own for our family.
Speaker 2:We're, we're that much into it, Um, and it was just us doing the research. Like that's my number one advice from people Don't listen to what I have to say or what anyone has to say. Go do your own research. Because when you see the numbers, when you see the facts, like that's what it was for us. It wasn't a matter of decision.
Speaker 2:The decision was already made based on the facts and we wanted to give our daughter the best chance at just the full, the fullest of life that she could possibly have, doing research even on baby food and formula and different things. We had to do months of research on that because I had a double mastectomy. So we were like, what are we going to do? I can't breastfeed, Um, and then just to hear that there's heavy metals and and all of that. So yeah, just, we had to do a lot of our research and and once we found that it wasn't even a question, it wasn't a matter of like I'm going to be in pain, it was just like this is what I have to do to make sure that our daughter has the best chance.
Speaker 1:That's amazing. So you just researched away, found this amazing team, and then your day came and you had mentioned to me that your daughter was 10 days past her guest date. So did you start to have pressure from people around you, or you were around people that were like this is cool, this is normal?
Speaker 2:So at the end of the podcast I'll I'll tell the audience on how they can actually watch the birth vlog, cause I have it in our link tree, Awesome. Okay, it goes through everything and I apologize because it is 40 minutes long, because there's so much footage. She was 10 days late, um, but I think that's when I started getting a little bit more anxiety, because people were like, well, she should have been born on the due date. That's a guest date. It's not the actual, like, due date. No one knows the date, but the Lord. And so the times of anxiety, the times of worry from other people being like, oh, we got to pray, and all this stuff, my husband would just lay hands on me and be like babe, god's got this, he knows exactly when she's coming, and he would just remind me you are safe. This house is the perfect environment to give birth in, because sometimes, too, it's the mom. If, if cortisol levels are high, you're not going to give birth um, yeah, definitely, you have to feel calm, at peace.
Speaker 1:I always joke and tell people that I'm like a cat. I have to retreat into my closet, be alone, don't talk to me, don't look at me, turn off the lights. But that's how my body wants to move. It's how, how it what it needs in order to do what it's going to do, whether I'm doing anything or not.
Speaker 2:Right, like the best thing that we can do is release.
Speaker 2:I agree, and I had no idea that by the time I called my do labs already in active labor, because I'm just like it's 3 am, I'm not calling unless, like, I absolutely need them. And finally it just got to a point where none of the positions were working and, yeah, my do was like, yeah, I got there, you're already in active labor. I'm like I didn't know that, I just thought that I just needed some prayer and some support and, yeah, just some childbirth, just um, wowed me because, like, just to know, I just feel like that is why there's such an attack on our identity as women. There's such an attack from the world on women in general and just the family being separated. Because women are powerful. God has called us as the women to birth the Mordecai's and Esther's of this generation, and it's such a powerful thing for us to be able to do so.
Speaker 2:I just feel like, after the home birth, I'm like Lord, I just did 17 hours of that. I can do whatever you've called me to do. So I just feel like, after the home birth, I'm like Lord, I just did 17 hours of that. I can do whatever you've called me to do. But it was, it was a. It was a beautiful experience and, yeah, my family's like, wow, like you want to do it again. I'm like I'll do it however many times the Lord lets me.
Speaker 1:So that's amazing, and you're so right and I think that that's part of my own personal beef with the medical system is that they remove that ability for mothers to experience what the Lord created us to do. Is it hard? Yes, not the easiest thing in the world, but there's a purpose for it. We are being reborn in a way, too, we are being born into mothers.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 2:I have the best thing to say for that? Because at one point, like you said, it's not easy, it was hard, and I looked at my doula and I just said I feel like I'm dying. She just by my shoulders and she said you are? And I looked at her and I'm like it pulled me out of my contraction, like it totally pulled me out of my contraction. I'm like what do you mean? Think about it. Your selfishness and your humanity is dying. God's not only birthing a daughter, he's burning a mama within you. And, oh my gosh, it just gave me chills and I was just crying because, it's true, you're like well, what I am, am I okay?
Speaker 1:That's awesome. It's so true, though. We have an episode with Brittany from the biblical birth school, way back when I mean I'm talking I think it was 2022. And she was sharing how, in Genesis, the current translation makes it out to be like women are cursed, you know, in childbirth to have pain, but really the original translation is hard work in labor, and labor is hard work for the body, but we also have the opportunity we can choose to surrender, and that's the. The one keyword that I catch from every birth podcast that I listen to is those those ladies that surrender are the ones that have these stories to tell, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, oh gosh, I love home birth. I read so many books. You know, in a maze book on midwifery, um, I read the hypnobirthing book and I know that that one's not Christian based, but I mean, when you're reading these books and you are believers, just I'm always praying Lord, give me discernment, god, navigate me through this. And in a maze book on, um, you know, home birth and stuff, I told my husband all the things that we were going to do, like to make sure that we were going to try everything naturally, and so we did the whole making out during contractions and it worked. You know, followed those things. I know that's kind of weird to some people, but it worked. And when I got into the birthing pool it literally felt like, you know, pain being relieved, like the birthing pool was like an epidural for me, so they call it nature's epidural, for a reason, right.
Speaker 1:So was your daughter born in the water.
Speaker 2:Little bit of my cervix was pulled back. At this point I'm so exhausted and my midwife's like I know that you want to have her in water, but if you're comfortable, if you want, you can lay on the bed and I can. Your next contraction I can just hold back your cervix and then she should fully be able to crowd more. She was expecting me to push for two more hours, because first time moms, that's the average it's about two hours. Nope, my daughter literally dove out of me. She dove out. No one could even grab a phone fast enough. Thankfully, my, my doula, had her phone, so she recorded it right when she like just flew out of me and I was actually sideways when she came out Cause. Again, they weren't expecting her to actually come up and yeah she, she just dove out into this world.
Speaker 1:That is awesome. She dosed head first. Yeah, right into it. Oh, that's beautiful. Congratulations, that is just so exciting. And how has motherhood been for you?
Speaker 2:it's been beautiful. This, this whole detransition process, has been beautiful because I never got to experience becoming a woman. I never got the freedom of like going and getting my nails done or and I'm not trying to stereotype women, Right but I never got to have that experience of like buying makeup with my sisters and doing all that because I was so encapsulated and trapped with this false identity that did feel at the time, you know, very real, because it was. I was struggling with it. Now I'm able to like walk in freedom and these things are so exciting. Even within my marriage it's very exciting.
Speaker 2:The first time I bought a dress, the first time my husband saw me in a dress. It was just falling in love with each other all over again. And then into motherhood, it's even like I'm just so grateful because I never thought that I would have a child. So it's like every moment in my daughter's name. So her name is Iris. We live in Tennessee. We had no idea that the Iris is the Tennessee state flower. The day that she, that my labor started, we were actually at an Asian restaurant and there was a double rainbow. We had no idea that. In Hebrew, Iris means God's promise, and it's so funny because it ties in our testimony of taking back the true meaning of the rainbow of God's promise.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, that's beautiful. What a full circle moment. Yeah, oh my goodness.
Speaker 2:Too cool, like it's also my husband and I's um uh, the song that we slow dance to Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls and oh my gosh, having like a reminder right now. So when I finally convinced him that that I wanted that name, we're at a dock here, slow dancing. Lots of dock moments.
Speaker 1:Lots of docks. Yeah, you guys go to the dock a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but his parents like rented out a lake house when they visited us out here. He's like I want to have like a moment with you at the doc tonight, and so we slow dance and he puts on. We're so old school we barely started owning a tv like we would just play cards and just slow dance and hang out with each other. People are like what do you do? We're best friends, we hang out with each other. We all just watch tv. Yeah, and so we're just under under, under the stars. And he just looked at me. He's like how many times in our life have we slow danced to this song at different moments, different things that we went through? He's like you win this one. And he all cried and then we decided, yeah beautiful.
Speaker 1:I love that. What a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing all of this with listeners and with me. I certainly want to ask what do you want to share with others that maybe we didn't get a chance to talk about? And then I also would love for you to share more about your mission project and the school bus.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So let us know, did we miss anything? Or you know, I kind of do feel like we circled back on the question I had about what we talked about, what moms could do better in these situations. But what can Christians do better? Yeah, in these situations. But what can Christians do better in general? Not just the parents of children that are going through these things, but any experience that we encounter as believers. What can we do better, as the body of Christ, to love and, you know, to share the love of God, without pushing other people away and pushing them further from God?
Speaker 2:Yeah, back to what I said earlier, basically like if this is a situation where someone is coming into the church, be so loving and be so kind, just because you're loving and kind to them doesn't mean that you're accepting their sin And's like, why does this particular sin have to outweigh addiction, pornography, adultery? This is just a sin that we see outwardly. So I would say, if you're exposed to someone which you will be if you think about it school teachers, like literally, they're everywhere. Someone knows someone that's struggling with this. School teachers, like literally they're everywhere. Someone knows someone that's struggling with this.
Speaker 2:Remember when you were lost, remember when you were found? Like, ask God to give you the wisdom and the discernment, because every relationship, every conversation is going to be different, and look at them through the lens of Jesus. In fact, I, I pray that every day, god give me eyes to see, ears to hear, a mouth to glorify, youify you, and see people from the lens of God. And it's hard because I know sometimes you see some people like whoa, they're out there, but God can do anything and believe that. And so the number one thing that I think that we can do is continue to love people.
Speaker 2:Don't gatekeep Jesus just because you think that they're a little wacky or too far gone. Don't gatekeep Jesus just because you think that they're a little wacky or too far gone. Don't gatekeep Jesus Like these. If you truly feel that these people are so sinful, then they should be filling up your church pews. They should be invited to your small group events. They should be invited to go have lunch or breakfast after church, because we know that big life change happens around inner circles, with other believers. We're called to not make converts but disciples, and God has called you to pastor over whatever atmosphere you're in.
Speaker 2:You're the pastor at your job, you're the pastor at the subway you're working at. We have to view our calling and our mission in this life with discipleship, and we do that by loving and leading people to reconciliation with Jesus, not whipping them, but bringing them to reconciliation with Christ. So the number one thing that a church did for my husband and I was they didn't they didn't judge us. They loved us and they invited us places and we met some amazing people and what I love to say to this day is that they love us consistently. And what an example of the father's love that he loves us in our sin and he loves us out of our sin, and there's nothing that we can do or say to get the father to love us differently. He loves us consistently.
Speaker 1:Beautiful, awesome. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, and as far as our yeah, go for it.
Speaker 2:Ministry goes. So our ministry is called revive traveling ministry, and it's just a vision that the lord gave me at 17. It's a vision that the lord gave my husband as well, when he was on kawaii to travel and spread the good news of jesus. So right now we are saving for a 40 foot school bus that we want to convert into a tiny house coffee ministry to reach the misfit community. We know that not just this particular community of misfits has experienced rejection or church hurt. We know that there's a foster care system out there of kids that are getting out of the foster care system, that don't have any family. We know that there is a community of older people that maybe don't have anyone to visit them. Not only that, but think about the felons that come out of being in prison and they're finally stepping foot in a church because they found God in the jail cell, and they're feeling rejected, they're feeling ridiculed, they're feeling judged. Well, we know that God has called us to equip the body of Christ to love these people, to lead them to a life changing connection with Christ, to show them that they have a sense of belonging and to show them an encounter with the Lord, and so God has called us to go, be the hands and feet of Jesus all around the world, and you can have a God encounter wherever you're at. You can be at the beach. We could be at EDC, you know, like wherever God is calling us to be the hands and feet of Jesus and share the love of him. So if that's something that you're interested in partnering with us, you can look at our Instagram.
Speaker 2:It's just revived traveling ministry. We have a link tree. You could watch the home birth video on there. There's a giving option. There's even some Bible study tools on there and even an opportunity if you want to get on a call to pray. If you have questions, I would rather moms and dads and just family and friends. I'd rather have you schedule a prayer call with me than Google. Every relationship is different and you know what. There is so much power in prayer and if there's any wisdom that I can give you from my past experience, I would love to give that to you. I would love to create an atmosphere and a space where you don't feel like you're doing this alone and just come alongside with you and just be any type of support that my husband and I can be.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Thank you for sharing that, and I will also be adding your link tree to the show notes so you can find those links to ministry and all of that good stuff. So be sure to check the show notes on this episode. Thank you so much, lex, for being here and for sharing your story.
Speaker 1:This has been awesome and thank you for tuning in and listening and being on this journey with us. If you'd like to follow along outside the podcast, be sure to join the mission on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube. You may be watching this in video format on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube. You may be watching this in video format on YouTube and if you're not, it's there. And today we're going to close with Luke 9, 23. If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. And I have a note here from Lex that says this is such a powerful verse. In my life because I had to fully deny myself, my worldly identity, my sexual fleshly desires, all of who I was. I had to deny and walk with the Lord, following his lead. It has absolutely radically changed my life for the better. It was not easy, but with Christ all things are possible. Amen. We are wishing you a radiant week and we'll see you next time. Bye, everyone.
