The Radiant Mission
The Radiant Mission
116. Adultery and Repentance: Elle Brown’s Testimony of Faith and Redemption
Imagine finding strength in the midst of heartbreak and betrayal. Elle Brown, a former Secret Service officer and passionate advocate for medically complex children, shares her profound journey from personal turmoil to healing through faith on the Radiant Mission podcast. After a challenging breakup, Elle found solace living with a pastor and his wife, who became her spiritual mentors. Their guidance, coupled with a supportive spiritual community, transformed her experience of isolation into one of redemption and spiritual growth. Listen as Elle recounts how the kindness and understanding she received led her to discover a brighter path forward.
Elle's narrative takes a powerful turn as she confronts the painful reality of losing her church community and enduring isolation after being trapped in a cycle of adultery. It was during this time that a beloved pet became an unexpected beacon of hope, pulling her back from despair. While grappling with self-redemption, Elle's faith serves as a cornerstone for overcoming adversity. The story of meeting her husband, Nick, in the most unexpected of circumstances provides an inspiring testament to the transformative power of genuine connections and shared faith. Their relationship, built on mutual trust and understanding, highlights the necessity of authenticity beyond religious observance.
Elle's story intertwines with the poignant accounts of others facing life's challenges, from a parent's desperate search for answers to a child's mysterious health issues, to enduring the agony of life-threatening illness and misdiagnosis. These narratives reflect the immense strength and hope that faith can provide, even in the darkest times. From miraculous pregnancies amidst crisis to the enduring belief in healing, Elle Brown's testimony and those of others illustrate the resilience and growth that come from trusting in divine guidance. Join us on this journey of faith, healing, and the unwavering belief in a brighter tomorrow.
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Hello and welcome to the Radiant Mission podcast. My name is Rebecca Toomey and we are on a mission to encourage and inspire you as you're navigating through your life and with your relationship with Christ. You, as you're navigating through your life and with your relationship with Christ. We have been in a series on counter-culturalism, really, and in a secular world, and today I'm welcoming an amazing guest. Her name is Elizabeth Brown, but she goes by Elle, and she is a George Mason University alumni, former United States Secret Service officer, a wife, an advocate for medically complex children and a mama of two amazing boys, beckett and Baylor. Elle, thank you so much for joining me tonight.
Speaker 2:Rebecca, thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:I love it and you know I love that your boys' names are B names. All my kids are B names.
Speaker 2:I love the name.
Speaker 1:Beckett too, but my husband, he wouldn't go for it because my name's Rebecca and I'm like Beckett. I love Beckett he wouldn't go for it.
Speaker 2:Oh man, it is a good name. We're very blessed that we got to name our beautiful little boy that.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love it. I love it, so we're just going to jump right into it today. Could you go ahead and just get started? Share a little bit about your story where it begins and this incredible journey that the Lord has led you on.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, Absolutely. I think I will begin kind of where it all fell apart, if that's okay, because that's where the Lord brings me up. So it initially started I was living with a pastor and his family for a few years and I've known them for a long time at this point and this pastor and his wife were like my spiritual mom and dad. We were very, very close and I was considered one of their spiritual daughters and they really trained me up in the Lord and in the prophetic and just in different ways of God and really taught me how to read my Bible and they just really took me under their wing. I didn't have the most supportive parents growing up when it came to my faith, so when these two pastors took me in, it really meant a lot and it really did transform me.
Speaker 1:How old were you?
Speaker 2:at this point I would say I met them in my late teens, early 20s, probably, okay. So I wasn't a tiny teenager. I was a little bit older at this point, is a little bit older at this point. So when I ended up staying with them, I was going through a lot of really dark things dealing with men. I would fall a lot and be sexually impure with them, and it was just the cycle that I just kept going through. And so the pastor's wife she really travailed for me, she kept me in prayer a lot and she would always tell me things in love. But there were things that I didn't want to hear at that time because I thought I knew better or I was like she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand what I'm going through and the heartache I'm going through. But she did, and I guess the cycle kind of broke when I finally broke up with my ex-boyfriend. At the time I was with him for a very long time and he was 11 years older than I was. So I met him at a very young age, at, I believe, like 14 years old. I met him, so he was 25. And it was just a pretty bad place to be in being a young girl and basically being groomed so fast forward. I meet this pastor and his wife. They're actually my youth pastors. This pastor and his wife, they're actually my youth pastors for a couple years and then they felt called to build a church in the same area where they were youth pastors at. So of course I was happy to help them build this church and I was considered a leader in this church. I would pray over people, I was in the children's ministry and I just really I really love this family.
Speaker 2:But when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend who was 11 years older than me, I was very broken because he's basically all I ever knew at that point of what love was, or the idea of what I thought love was, and so when that was broken, I shattered too and the pastor and his wife really helped me through it. And I think the pastor he saw how hurt I was and because I was like a daughter to him, he would comfort me and he would hug me and tell me it was going to be okay and told me I was beautiful and that my future husband was coming and just all these beautiful promises that he would say over me. But it came to the point where I think maybe I took it a little bit too personally, um, just because, um, my, my, my blood father, he's, he's amazing, he's great. But he wasn't very affectionate growing up, so I didn't really have an idea of what a healthy, um, uh, relationship with a man really looked like. Um, or like how, like, how healthy a healthy touch would feel, if that makes sense. So as my pastor started to comfort me and everything, I started to feel, oh, like this feels kind of interesting, but maybe it's just him comforting me as a father, but maybe it's just Him comforting me as a father.
Speaker 2:So it all came to a head when we went to a mission trip overseas and it was me and a few other people and I remember after ministry one night it was an amazing night of ministry we prayed over people, we prophesied, we saw so many healings and signs and wonders and it really was life-changing. And all of us because there weren't a lot of people, we were staying in one house and I remember at the end of the night it was very, very late I got a text from him, from the pastor, and he said, hey, I would like a good night hug. So I didn't think anything of it. I was like, oh, my dad wants a hug, my spiritual father would like a hug. And I always thought in healthy households that's kind of what kids did with their parents. I don't know Again. I didn't really grow up in a super healthy household with their parents. I don't know Again. I didn't really grow up in a super healthy household, so I didn't think anything of it.
Speaker 2:And so his room was across from my room and I went over and knocked on the door and before I knew it I was in his bed and we don't know exactly how it happened, but we did commit adultery and it was very, very difficult to come to terms with that. I couldn't believe what had happened, and I'm sure at that moment he couldn't either. And so right after it happened we looked at each other and just broke down crying and we're like what is happening? What just happened? That was so weird. You know, that was not what should have happened. It should have just been a hug and fast forward.
Speaker 2:That kind of turned into a cycle of adultery for two years, and it was very, very hard because I would have to face his wife every single day when we got back from the mission trip and I would just break down crying or I would be so uncomfortable I couldn't look at her in the eyes and she would always ask me like honey, what's wrong, are you okay, what's going on with you?
Speaker 2:And I always wanted to tell her what happened, but I felt like I couldn't. And there were several times I went to the pastor and I said, hey, we need to tell your wife Like I'm about to tell her what happened and he would come to me and say, no, there's grace in the Lord and he will forgive us. There's grace in the Lord and he will forgive us. And I really trusted Him because in a weird, yeah, perverted way, I still saw Him as a spiritual father and I trusted Him as my pastor. So I just want to say that I definitely take my full responsibility on my part, because it takes two and it is the biggest regret of my life, the biggest regret hands down and I have taken steps to repent and to heal, but I'll go into that later on. But, yeah, at the time I really trusted him. And so whenever he said, no, let's not tell my wife, um, I'd be like, okay, well, she has to know sometime.
Speaker 1:So, um, he was continuing to pursue you during this time.
Speaker 2:It sounds like yes, yes, um, he, he was. Um, there was a point where I point where I actually started training for the Secret Service and so I had to move out. For a period of time about three months. I went to the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center, or FLETC, in New Mexico. I was there for about three months, so I moved out and I got an apartment as soon as I got back, and the apartment wasn't that far from the pastor's house because the pastor's wife she told me that she would like me close by to check in on me, and so I got an apartment close by, even though I really should have gotten one pretty far. But I wanted to honor her request in a way.
Speaker 2:So when I got back from FLETC, I started training at the Secret Services Training Academy in Maryland and during that time this pastor would come over here and there. It wasn't every night, it wasn't daily, but it was enough. It was maybe like once or twice a month. But he would text me constantly too. He would text me like I love you and hope you're doing okay, just here and there, and he'd say I miss you, and a lot of times I wouldn't respond. And then, when I didn't respond, he would text and say what's wrong, are you okay? And clearly I wasn't, and I can't pretend to know what he was going through or what he thought or what he felt, but I definitely was still uncomfortable. But I didn't know how to process this because at the same time I was still going through training, I was trying to focus on my career, and I had this thing in the back of my mind all the time, and at the same time the pastor's wife would check in on me too, which made it extra hard.
Speaker 2:So, fast forward, I graduated from the Secret Service Academy and I became operational. And I remember a few months after I became operational I was on midnights, and just being on a midnight shift is hard. Just because you don't have a social life at that point. You just work all night, and most of the time I did 12 hour shifts. So my life was eat, sleep and go to work. That was basically it for months, and so because of that, my social life at church suffered A lot of the times. I would either lose sleep to go to church on Sundays Sundays because I was in the children's ministry or I just wouldn't be able to go, and so I had friends who always wanted to hang out at that point and I just couldn't. So my social life started to dwindle as well.
Speaker 2:And then it all came apart when one day, after I babysat some of my co-workers' kids, I came home late and the pastor he texted me just asking me if I was okay, and I texted him back. I think I basically told him I was home because actually earlier that day he asked me to text him when I got home, for safety is what he said. So I texted him and then all of a sudden I get a FaceTime call from his wife and she found out she says she felt the Holy Spirit, say, to question her husband in certain ways and she was like, why is this young lady texting you so late? Um, and she put the pieces together and she FaceTimed me and it was very, um, it was very painful, very, very painful. Um, she had every right to be as irate as she was and just as hurt as she was. She was shattered. I'm sure Her trust in her husband first and foremost, and then in someone she considered a daughter, was completely betrayed and broken. So that was really hard. It didn't feel real.
Speaker 2:We were on FaceTime for a while and after I got off of FaceTime, I literally went to my couch and I grabbed my service weapon that the Secret Service issues and I looked at it for a long time, for a long time, and I thought I should just take my life at this point because I lost everything. I lost the pastor, I lost his wife, whom I considered really like my mom, the mother I never had. I lost my church in an instant. I lost my church and, like I said, I lost my friends, because my whole community was basically in this church that I helped build. So I looked at that gun and I was like this is it? I'm just going to go home. And it was to the point where the gun was up to my head and I was about to pull the trigger.
Speaker 2:And then at that time a side note, at that time I adopted a little kitten about a couple months prior to when this event happened, and the kitten was there. And when you are in such a dark space like that, you have tunnel vision. Your hearing it becomes just so muted almost, and then all you can hear is like muffled noises or your heartbeat. And that's kind of like how I felt at that moment and all I could remember was my little kitten. His name was Aslan, a little orange tabby. I just remember him meowing and meowing and like, almost like scream, meowing at me, and, honestly, that really that broke that trance. It broke it, and I looked down at this little kitten and I dropped the gun and I just embraced Aslan, because I really believe like God used Aslan to save me in that moment. So that was a reality check.
Speaker 2:As soon as I dropped the gun, I was like I can't do it, I can't do it, and that's when I, like, broke down and got on my knees and prayed and cried out to the Lord and and repented, and I was like God.
Speaker 2:I tried so hard, and it was interesting, though, because throughout the whole process of the two years of adultery, I was still serving God, I was still going to church, I was still a leader, I was still chasing God in my personal time, chasing God in my personal time.
Speaker 2:So it's not like all that stopped, and there was always a battle in my mind and in my heart, because I knew what I was doing behind closed doors was so wrong, but I felt like I didn't have the power to stop it myself. I felt like I needed deliverance that I couldn't do myself and I didn't know where to get it because the moment I opened my mouth about this adultery, everything would hit the fan. So I really felt like I had nowhere to go in order to kind of save me from the cycle that I was going through. So at that point that's why I thought suicide was the only way out. But clearly it wasn't. God had a better plan for me, and so as the days went on, I got kicked out of the church immediately, the pastor and his wife.
Speaker 1:How did that happen? Did you get a call or a note?
Speaker 2:So the pastor and his wife called me the very next day early so I know that they haven't been sleeping and they called me with their covering so their church has a covering, and so the I don't want to say the upper church, but their covering church, I guess and them gave me a call and basically what was said from one of these it was the pastor and his wife and then an additional pastor there and I think there was another one, so I think it was like four people plus me and I think there was another one, so I think it was like four people plus me and these other two pastors. Basically there's like a prophet lady on the phone and she said I'm trying to remember exactly how she phrased it, but she basically said if you contact so-and-so the pastor and his wife, if you contact them at all, the fire of God will fall so strongly on you that you won't be able to escape it. And so that was a very, I guess, like fear-centered thing to say. And I remember, after she said those words and we talked a little bit, I mean I was just so lost and so sorry that I couldn't really even process everything that they were saying to me. But I remember those key words just because, like, after she said those words, it didn't sit right in my spirit and of course I questioned it because I'm like, am I even hearing God? Because I did this horrible sin.
Speaker 2:So I kind of stewed on what this prophet said for a little bit and then I prayed about it and cried out to God and I was like God, I thought that you would want me restored too. And it only seems like the pastor and his wife are getting restored because they're pastors and they have a church that they have to lead and they have a family. So all the reasons are there and I understand that. But I don't believe that I'm supposed to be just like left on the side of the road because that's how I'm supposed to be just like left on the side of the road, because that's how I'm feeling right now. They literally told me don't contact them or anybody that they are in community with, which is the whole entire church, which is my whole support system.
Speaker 2:So I was in isolation, which is exactly where Satan wants you when you mess up. I was in isolation for a while and I had to battle a lot of this stuff with God, but like on my own in a way, because I literally had nowhere to turn. Everybody who was their friends were my friends, and so, of course, in a way they as in my friends and my community almost had to pick sides, even if they didn't want to, if they were a part of the church and they didn't want to get kicked out of the church at that time I'm sure they had to pick a side. And so are you going to pick the pastor and his wife, or are you going to pick this girl who committed adultery, you know? So it was kind of like their word against mine, which is not like a great way of how I want to put it, but that's how I remembered it at the time, and so I really believe that-.
Speaker 1:So he didn't step down at all. He kept forging forward.
Speaker 2:So I don't know his whole story because we haven't been in communication or anything like that. But there have been other people who have told me that he did take a sabbatical I don't know for how long, what that looked like, I have no idea, but I have heard that he has done that. But I also know that he's still the head pastor of his church right now.
Speaker 1:And when it came to your friends, did you feel like you had to just go, no contact, or did you still kind of call your friends, or how did that interaction go?
Speaker 2:I was really confused because on one hand I thought that my friends and I had a strong enough friendship where we could still be in contact. But when I did reach out to them at first of course nobody knew what happened. They just all of a sudden thought that the Secret Service became so busy and I was working so much that they never saw me. Became so busy and I was working so much that they never saw me. Okay, and I.
Speaker 2:So there was no direction and I didn't know wisdom at that at that time. So I felt like the pastor and his wife should kind of handle what they wanted to tell people. And and I did that almost in in like to honor the pastor's wife, because she was the one who was the victim in all of this, like she was very hurt in all of this, and so I didn't want to be the one to say to people like our friends oh you know, this pastor and I committed adultery for years and the wife found out and that's why I can't come to church anymore. You know that wouldn't come to church anymore, that wouldn't bode over well. So I kind of just left the ball in the pastor and his wife's court.
Speaker 2:But my friends did reach out and they're like hey, we miss you, haven't seen you at Sunday church, haven't seen you at this event, haven't seen you on prayer Wednesday. What's going on, um? You know, on prayer Wednesday, like what's going on, um? And and I will lie I would say oh, I'm, I'm busy, um working, they, they, they gave me more shifts, or I picked up more shifts, or oh, I'm traveling, the president's traveling, so I'm going to go to which, which did happen often.
Speaker 2:Um but you know not at the same time that, um, that they text me asking me where I was. So, in an interesting way, though, I really feel like God used my job at the Secret Service to save me, because it kept me afloat. And I did have a lot of classmates who I went to training with, and, even though they weren't Christian, there were a couple that I really confided in at that point because I didn't know who else to confide in, and a lot of the times when you're standing post, you have time to talk. I mean, you're still doing your job and you're vigilant, making sure that the president and the protectee stay safe, of course, but you, you, you have a little bit of time to catch up with your coworkers. So when I stood post, I I caught up with, with some classmates and some people I trusted, and although they they weren't Christian at the time they're not saved yet they helped push me through and they helped build me back, and it was just a really interesting time because I was healing and I had to find my own resources to heal, because nobody from the church's covering reached back out to me to ask me how I was doing or if I was getting any resources. I actually had to go back to them and basically kind of like demand resources just because, again, I didn't really know where else to go. I know there are a lot of healing resources out there, like inner healing and stuff like that, but I just didn't know where to even start. And so I wrote this church covering an email and I said, hey, you basically left me on the side of the road and I need healing too, I need to be restored too, and I know what I did was very, very wrong and I could never say how sorry I am. I wish I could go back and fix it, but I can't. I'm repenting. I've repented and I am repenting. I'm definitely turning away from my sin and what I've done, but I need help. And so, after I basically reached out to them for resources, they got back to me and they gave me a couple names of people who've done like inner healing, stuff like that.
Speaker 2:So I also confronted that prophet lady with what she said about the fire of God is going to fall so strongly on me I won't be able to escape it. And I found her on social media and I wrote her a message and I said, hey, I would like to talk to you on the phone. This is so-and-so, and I am calling to basically ask you what you meant when you said X, y and Z. So we got on the phone and I basically confronted her and I said, hey, you said this at this time and it didn't sit well with my spirit and I really want to know why you said that. Because as a leader in the prophetic and just not in know why you said that? Because as a leader in the prophetic and just not in the prophetic, but in the church, as a leader, you are consistently leading people to the Lord and, like their hearts are kind of in your hands and they trust what you say. And so when you say stuff like that, that really induced fear and I just kind of wanted clarity on that. And she is like, oh well, what I really meant to say was that the fire of God was going to fall on the situation and burn it up to where it becomes beauty from ashes or something along those lines. And I said, oh well, that's not what you said initially. And so for me I was so scared to reach out to anybody for help, even like in fear, that God would like send fire down, like I believe God can do that. He's done that. So I was just like in such fear and I'm like that is not of God God does not give us a spirit of fear. And she was like I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for it to come off that way and I'm like I hope in the future you're more careful when you give words like that. And so that was a really humbling conversation for me too, because she was a big, a big leader in this church covering. She was a big leader in this church covering, and so that was a learning experience for sure.
Speaker 2:But fast forward, after months of going through inner healing and just recovering, if you will, being restored, I unexpectedly met my husband in the Secret Service. He was in there too as a uniformed division officer and I met him on midnights. We were in the break room and I was making a coffee pot for the whole shift down there and my husband Nick. It was the first time I met him and I remember he looked at me and asked me how to make coffee in the coffee pot, because he grew up with a French press and I remember I looked at him like he was ridiculous. I was like okay, sure, I will help you make some coffee. So I did a step-by-step for him and then at the very end I gave him a cup of coffee and he was like hi, I'm Nick. And I looked at him and I was like all right, and I literally walked away. I did not give him the time of day for months because I was so hurt.
Speaker 2:I placed word curses on myself. Actually I was like I'm never going to get married, I'm never going to have children. I, I'm perfectly fine being single because of this humongous sin I've done, and I know God has forgiven me, but there are consequences to sin. And so I believe that I believed that I would just never get married or have kids or anything. So, nick, god told Nick I found this out later, but God told Nick to be kind to me and to show me kindness and to just be a friend to me.
Speaker 2:So every time I ran into Nick whether it was we were pushing posts or we saw each other in the break room or anything like that he would always be so nice to me. He would say oh hi, how's it going? Do you want some coffee? Do you want this? And I would ignore him. I would ignore him for a long time, for months, and it almost got kind annoying because I'm like, why is this guy like trying to talk to me? I was just done. I was, I was done with guys.
Speaker 2:And it all came together when we went to a rally with former President Trump in Florida and I traveled down there for work and Nick was also on that same trip and we ended up being on the same post and I remember I looked at him and I was like, oh man, I'm stuck with this guy. I was like, oh man, I don't know how this is going to go. He's going to talk my ear off. Um, that we ended up having a really good conversation, just like, um, you know, doing our jobs and trying to have, you know, not like fun, but you know, just have not such a serious time while we're there, and, um, and it was a, it was a good conversation.
Speaker 2:And then, um, I remember about um, a few hours after we were done at the post, we were going to go on the car plane and come back to Washington DC and we normally stop by for food right before we get on the car plane and my crew and I went somewhere else and then Nick's crew went to Chipotle and I remember I saw Nick with Chipotle at the car plane and I was so hangry because something happened with me getting my food and I don't remember what it was, and Nick was like, well, hey, if you give me your phone number when we're back in DC at the White House I will get you Chipotle sometime.
Speaker 2:And I was just so flustered at that point I'm like fine, so I gave him my phone number, not even thinking like that was like his move Right. And so the very next day he texts me and just said hey, it was great working with you at this post in Florida and hopefully we get to work together again. So just very cordial. I don't think I responded to that text. And then he texted me asking me about food and Chipotle.
Speaker 2:And then I responded to that because I was hungry at the time and then it kind of blossomed from there. To be honest with you, I remember he met me at a coffee shop not too far from the White House on his break. I was going in later that day, I think, or I was off, I don't remember exactly, um, and I saw him at one of the posts and he kind of flagged me down and he was always so happy, like he's still that way, he's like always so happy and chipper, and he was like hey, I just saw you walking. I, you know, I just want to check in how are things. And I'm like I'm really not in the mood, I'm going to go to this coffee shop. And Nick was like, okay, well, I'll meet you on break. And I was like sure you will. And I went to the coffee shop and on his break he came and he bought me coffee and we walked around the block on his break and then I really drilled him about his faith, just because I'm like so many people say they're Christian and they're really not. They go to church on Sundays, or they just go to church on Sundays, or they just go during the major holidays and they say they're a Christian, but it's not about relationship with Jesus at that point, it's about a religion, and so I really wanted to know that his faith was real. So I asked him to share his testimony and he did. And it's like every question that I had in my brain that I was about to ask him, he would just answer before I even asked and it was almost like confirmation. But of course my guard was still really up and I was like, ok, if we hang out, we can hang out at church.
Speaker 2:And instead of running away from God during this time of healing and restoration, I really pushed to go deeper with Him because I knew that God loved me and that he was the only one who could restore me completely. He knew what happened, he was there when everything happened and I trusted God. I think one of the most painful things for me to kind of backtrack a little bit was that during this time of, during the confrontation with the adultery with the pastor's wife, I really for months I really questioned the goodness of God and I think that was really painful for me, because I questioned his goodness, I questioned his faithfulness, I questioned just who he was, I questioned his love for me, and when you're in a really, really dark place like those. Those, those answers to your questions about God and his character and who he is and his heart for you are going to be the things that pull you out, and I really had to fight. You know the voices and the lies of the enemy that said, oh, god doesn't love you. If he did like, this wouldn't have happened, you know. Or, or God doesn't love you, he's not good, and that's why you lost everybody. I really had to fight those lies of the enemy Because it says in the word that Satan is the father of lies and he comes to kill, steal and destroy. He does not care about you. And so when Nick came around and, looking in hindsight, he was the goodness of God towards me in that season and I kept pushing it away because I just didn't want anything to do with men, and God knew that.
Speaker 2:And Nick was so patient with me during the months that we started to know each other as friends and, it was true, our only hangouts were at church. We found a church in DC that we both decided to try and we liked it, but I actually had a mutual friend who was going there, who was not involved in my old church or the church covering or anything. He was like involved in another church. And I remember Nick and I sat in one of the pews across from my friend who was a drummer on the worship team, and he looks at us and goes you guys are going to get married. And as soon as he said that I think this was the first time we went to this church or the second time, I don't remember and as soon as he said that I immediately rejected it. I said no, we're not, he's just a friend, I'm not going to get married ever. Well, it turns out my friend was right, but we'll get to that point a little bit later.
Speaker 2:So Nick and I started to go to church. We only hung out in public and I still like I still drooled him. I wasn't very nice to him. Unfortunately. I still wasn't very nice to Nick, even though we went to church and stuff together and then we saw each other at work. But at least I was taking baby steps to open up and he knew this. And again, he was so patient, so patient with me.
Speaker 2:And so, as the months went on, I found myself falling for Nick and Nick already knew that I was his wife. Apparently he knew way before I did that we were going to marry each other, but he never told me, never told me, never said a peep. Because he was like, if she really is my wife, god is going to speak to her too, because God spoke to Mary and Joseph, right, he didn't just speak to one person, um, uh. So, um, fast forward a little bit, uh, more. We ended up hanging out a little bit more outside of churches. We went to gatherings together, but again, we were always in public. We never hung out in each other's apartments or anything like that, because I just didn't want that temptation and I would say that we really tried to do everything right.
Speaker 2:It came to a point where I admitted my feelings for Nick and I was very scared when I admitted them because I didn't know where I would go. I was like this guy could think I'm crazy and walk away or he will love me. And when I told Nick, when I confessed my feelings for him, he was like I like you too, and that's okay. We don't have to rush into marriage. It's not like we're gonna get married tomorrow, let's just enjoy each other. And he really like God, really used him to help with my healing and and I really didn't want it, like initially, I really didn't want it, I was like God, it's just you and me against the world, which you know it still is, because my relationship with God is is, you know, above my relationship with my husband. But, um, you know, I again I was perfectly content with being single for the rest of my life at that point. So this was really God's grace, um, over my life.
Speaker 2:When Nick came into the picture, so, um, fast forward, we ended up dating and then we only dated for three months until he proposed to me, um, rose Garden of the White House. So that was very special because I thought that would just be a dream that I didn't know would ever happen, you know, but he was able to do that for me, do that for me, and that was just very, very awesome and we're very grateful for that experience. And then we were planning a wedding and we got married. Nine months nine, nine months of being engaged we got married and that's kind of the that chapter After we got married it was during COVID, so it was just a very weird time.
Speaker 2:Overall, it was October 2020. After a few months of being married, we prayed to the Lord and asked him for his timing on when we wanted to start a family and we felt in the summer it was time to start in May, and so we started trying and we got pregnant, but unfortunately we lost our first baby to miscarriage. So that was very hard and then I'm so sorry. Oh, thank you for that. Yeah, it was very painful when that happened, and then we tried again after we got cleared and we got pregnant immediately, thank goodness. But then, after about 11 weeks of being pregnant with triplets, we lost them too.
Speaker 1:Wow, triplets just naturally as well.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, it was that's very rare.
Speaker 1:Do you have twins? Do you have um twins or more in your family, or his family?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so my sister has twins. Um, so I guess it runs on my mom's side of the family. Um, yeah, but it was. It was very interesting, like we, we were not expecting that. Um, so of course we're overwhelmed but very excited because we're like, oh, this is, this is going to be it. You know, we're going to have triplets. It's going to be great, but I was almost at second trimester and I lost them, so it was very difficult. Yeah, it was heartbreaking.
Speaker 1:I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, thank you. We didn't understand why, of course, like, no one ever tells you how hard it is like to get pregnant or how to stay pregnant until you start trying, um, because everyone's like, oh, if you sneeze you'll, you'll get pregnant. Um and uh, for for some people that, um, that that is the case, that that's amazing, and you know, god bless them. That's truly amazing, um, but I've noticed, more often than not, that's not the case for a lot of women, and I was one of those women, and so after I lost four babies, at this point my husband and I decided to go to a fertility clinic and kind of see what was going on and come to find out I was on the cusp of a blood clotting disorder. I didn't like necessarily meet the number criteria to be officially diagnosed, but they said my numbers were close enough. So they just said take baby aspirin or low dose aspirin during pregnancy.
Speaker 1:And I've heard of women doing this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it makes sense when I think it makes sense, Like when I think about it. But at the time I was like, oh, that's kind of weird, but I'll, I'll do it. Um. And then I also had to get a? Um, a progesterone supplement too.
Speaker 1:Okay, that was. Another thought in my head was I was wondering about progesterone Cause I know that's another common area that's addressed. Another common area that's addressed.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, absolutely so, for for me, that helped me, Um, and I was very grateful because, after we took a little break to let my body reset and after we got cleared, um, uh, we, we got pregnant with my son Beckett, and, um, yeah, I you know, of course, during this pregnancy, um, it was beautiful, but I was very fearful, um, when we made it to second trimester, I was floored, you know, I was like, oh my gosh, this is really happening. Um, so it was very exciting. And then, um, fast forward, my beautiful son was born, um, on October 20th and he's absolutely perfect, um, and, of course, my husband and I are ecstatic to be new parents. But then it kind of took a turn when, um, my son was five weeks old, on Thanksgiving and he started to have these weird episodes and that's what we called it at the time these weird episodes, and that's what we called it at the time and my husband and I just saw our little tiny newborn like struggling to breathe. He started shaking and we didn't know what to do. So, of course, I called the emergency room, I called his pediatrician or the pediatrician on call, or whatever, because it was Thanksgiving and it was at nighttime and I told them what was happening and they're like oh well, just take him to the emergency room and we'll get him diagnosed or whatever. So my husband and I rushed into the emergency room and by the time we got there this episode stopped. And so the emergency room doctor didn't really know what to say or do, because my son's vitals look good, and so the ER doctor just said to come and bring my son back if we saw it happen again.
Speaker 2:And we saw it constantly happening every day, multiple times a day, and we even started to take videos. We started to write down notes. We started to write down how long the duration was, what it looked like, what limbs were shaking, were his eyes fluttering, did he stop breathing? If he did, for how long. Just all these questions that we started to log and record on our iPhones. Record on our iPhones, and I would send these videos and logs to his pediatrician.
Speaker 2:His old pediatrician, I'll say. And his old pediatrician was like, oh well, he could have reflux, like a silent reflux. And I was very confused and I asked her is this normal? Is this normal in babies? Do they respond this way to reflux? And his old pediatrician said yes, a lot of them do how I had my baby and then mentioned the witching hour and just like all sorts of things.
Speaker 2:But that didn't sit right with me. So it became like a constant battle between my son's pediatrician and I, with me constantly sending her a bunch of messages and I guess, like I was that mom, but at the same time, like when your baby is suffering, you would do anything to help your baby. So I was constantly reaching out, asking questions, I demanded specialists and it came to the point where I would say about a couple months of going back and forth. The pediatrician finally wrote a referral to a neurologist, but the neurologist would be telehealth, via telehealth and, um, he only wanted to see like a video recording of what happened. So my husband and I were, um taking a lot of videos of our son, uh, in preparation for for this appointment. So we finally get to the this appointment, um, we drive to it to another location for a telehealth appointment which is strange, strange.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. It didn't make sense to us either, um, but we drove and then, um, we met this neurologist, um, on the computer and he asked us to show um a video. So we did and within looking maybe I don't know, I would probably say like two to three seconds of the video, he was like, yep, that's reflux, a silent reflux. And my husband and I looked at each other and said, are you sure? Because you know, at that point I was nursing. So I did the total, excuse me. So I did the total elimination diet. I cut out a whole bunch of stuff because I'm like, oh, if it's reflux, like maybe if I cut this out and this out, it would help my son. And this neurologist was like, yeah, like don't worry about it, I'm going to refer you to um, to another specialist. And my husband and I were like you don't want to do an EEG or anything like that, like just to see what's going on with the brain activity. And he was like no. So that didn't sit well with my husband and I. And that then triggered a whole, a whole thing, um, of just constantly going back and forth with a specialist, with a pediatrician, with this new specialist and with me trying new things, me trying like a formula um, what what's it called? Uh, and amino acid based formula, and and just doing everything that they told me to do. And it still didn't sit right with me.
Speaker 2:And it came to the point where I was crying out to the Lord and I said, god, why is my baby not getting better? Like he's suffering, what is going on with him? And I just like really felt the Holy Spirit say it's something deeper. And I was like you know, I was like, okay, well, what is it? And I think I was just so exhausted at that point from being a brand new mom and also seeing my baby suffer and then trying to get answers and, you know, in general, just running on no sleep and not really eating, like you know, in general, just running on no sleep and not really eating. Like you know, I probably really only ate bread at that point and drank a bunch of water because I didn't know what I could eat in order to make this better for my son. And then it was just I don't know. It was just a really, really hard time. So I also went through a postpartum rage I wouldn't, I guess, like PPA and PPD, but definitely rage. I was just so angry, I just didn't have the answers and no one was giving me the answers, they were giving me a run around and so I just got very angry and upset and I pushed a lot of people away this season, I think, especially like family who were just trying to help.
Speaker 2:But fast forward to basically this neurologist saying like oh yeah, it's reflux. And we asked about the EEG. He said no, it was about a month after that appointment where I reached out, reached back out to the neurologist and my husband and I basically demanded an EEG. We're like, if you're not going to give us one, we're going to go somewhere else. And then the neurologist wrote back and was like all right, I'll do a one hour EEG at your local hospital. And so we did the one hour EEG.
Speaker 2:The EEG didn't pick anything up and according to, like the neurologists and stuff, um, an EEG would have been able to pick up a seizure, um, even if it, even if it were just like an hour, but also Beckett was so small back then, um, so there's just like a lot of variables and I'm definitely not a medical professional or an expert, so I don't want to go into it, um, because I want to make sure that um is actually factual. But um, but my, my husband and I were not satisfied. We're like there's still something wrong with him. It's not, were not satisfied, we're like there's still something wrong with him. It's not merely reflux, there's no way. Then they're like, oh, it could be Sandifer syndrome, which is a symptom of reflux. It basically makes children look like they're having a seizure after they eat or while they eat or something, and I'm like, no, it's not happening when he's eating. So it was just a lot back and forth, so fast forward.
Speaker 2:A few months later I finally was very fed up and I took him to another hospital in Northern Virginia because I live in West Virginia now. So we went to Northern Virginia and I got ahold of this neurologist and I said hey, I just want a 24 hour EEG, I want to know what's going on, going on with my son, can you help me? And she said yes. So, uh, we go to Inova, fairfax and um the neurology, the neurologist, um, hooked him up and everything and was like yep, all right, well, you know, we'll see what happens, basically.
Speaker 2:And um, the very next day after reading that the results, um the neurologist came in and said, hey, your son's having seizures. And, um, when she said that, like my heart broke, like I just busted out, I cried. I just cried and cried and cried because I knew it. It was like it was like my whole world around me fell apart, because that's not what you want to hear. And it's also like so he was misdiagnosed for six months, basically the first six months of his life. He was having seizures his whole time and other doctors couldn't tell me what was going on, and so it was a very hard situation at that point and my husband and I were like, okay, well, what are the next steps then? Like does he need to be on medication or whatever?
Speaker 2:So they put it, they put our son onto medications, and then they also did a genetic swab just to rule out, um, any genetic conditions that would possibly cause seizures, and so the genetic results came back within um maybe like a couple of days, a few days, and we got a phone call from the neurologist, um, and she said, hey, your son has TSC. And we got a phone call from the neurologist and she said, hey, your son has TSC. And we're like what is that? That sounds scary. And she said it stands for tuberous sclerosis complex and essentially it is a rare genetic condition that causes tumors to grow in various parts of the body. So these tumors are non cancerous, but they grow in various parts of the body. So these tumors are non-cancerous, but they grow in various parts of the body, such as the kidneys, the lungs, the brain, the heart and the eyes, and on the skin as well. And so she said your son has that. And she's like do you or dad, do any of you have it? And we're like well, we, we have no idea.
Speaker 2:And so we um, my husband and I got tested. We, we got the genetic swab as well. And, um, it turns out that my husband came back positive for it and you would never know, because my husband has never had a seizure in his life. He is super healthy, doesn't ever take meds, you just never know. And my son, on the other hand, has seizures multiple times a day, especially during sleep. He's on three different medications. He is developmentally delayed at the moment moment he's two years old, he just turned two and he still can't walk yet. Um, he doesn't really speak, um, and he doesn't feed himself. So it's just tsc affects people so differently, it's just such a broad spectrum and and actually TSC as well a lot of kiddos who have TSC are at a much bigger risk for autism too.
Speaker 2:So it's just that that news that he had TSC and after I did a lot of research on it and talked to a lot of specialists, a lot of doctors I was in such fear at that point because I didn't know how the future would look for my son and my future children, because since Nick has TSC as well, any baby that we have in the future would have a 50% chance of having it. So that would also really come into consideration when we want to grow our family even more. And I just kept hearing God tell me, trust me, trust me, trust me. And he reminded me of his faithfulness during the time when I was going through the adultery, the time when the confrontation happened, the time after the time when he brought Nick to my life, when I actually did get married and when I ended up having five children at the time with my four heaven babies. He was like trust me, I am faithful, trust in me with all your heart and lead not on your own understanding and acknowledge me in all your ways and I'll direct your path. And when I heard that I just I was like okay, okay, like I will do my very best to trust you in such extreme situations. But he has always shown himself so faithful. And so when I look at my son now sorry, just to back up a little bit after he was diagnosed he got on medications and then it came to a point where his seizures got so bad, so quickly that his lips turned blue.
Speaker 2:He didn't breathe for a period of time where it became life-threatening. And at the time we were visiting friends in Minnesota, my son's godparents. We were visiting them in Minnesota and they would lay hands on him and pray over him and we were believing for the healing and it just didn't come at that point and then his seizures got very bad and we were in Houston, texas, visiting my mother-in-law, and we were able to go to the emergency room at Texas Children's Hospital. And this was last year, last September to November. Basically, we were in Texas Children's Hospital. What became an emergency room visit actually became basically a two and a half month stay, and most of that was in the ICU.
Speaker 2:My son ended up having to get two brain surgeries back to back before he was one years old and it was probably the scariest time of my life because we thought we were going to lose him. So he actually got his first brain surgery just as he turned one, and then his second one was about three weeks later and I was in the ICU with him. My husband had to fly back here to West Virginia for work and he was so upset he just didn't have a remote job at the time and he's like I just can't stay. We need the health Like these surgeries are millions of dollars and we need the health insurance. So he he did what he had to Um.
Speaker 2:So it was just me and Beckett in the hospital, um, for for months and it was very isolating. It was um. It was very scary because, like I said, we almost lost thatett. He was struggling to breathe on his own, especially after his first surgery, so they had to put him on a BiPAP, which is like a CPAP it just helps regulate your breathing. So he was on that until his second brain surgery, so for three weeks, and I remember there were times when his oxygen would fall so low and then his heart rate would fall and nurses would just like flood in to bag him or try to help him breathe and it was very traumatizing.
Speaker 1:Um, and that must've been the heart. The hardest time ever for you.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, it definitely, it definitely was.
Speaker 1:And the surgeries were because of tumors.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, they, they, they're. Because um Beckett had um tumors, um in his brain. They actually said um, there there were, I think they said there were about two of them, but they couldn't really see. They couldn't really see them the first time they went in um they could like as in they, they saw it, but it was hazy just because there's like a lot of um like gray matter in there, and they went all scientific and and everything, but essentially they just couldn't see it as clearly as they would have liked. But they knew the general area where the seizures were coming from. So they kind of pinpointed that area. But then something happened, like after the first brain surgery, where they were able to see exactly where this like really big tuber was. And then they went after that tuber. But yeah, after his second surgery he was much better and we were like, oh he's, he's seizure free. He hasn't had a seizure that that we could see anyway. It wasn't like a clinical seizure that we were able to see with our eyes, so that that was like a big blessing.
Speaker 2:But I will say, during the time um at texas children's, when it was just me and beckett, god showed himself so faithful like there were so many people back here at home, um, who would reach out to different churches in the area and, um, different people from churches would come and bring me food or coffee or just sit and pray with me. They brought me journals and coloring books and puzzle books. They prayed over me and Beckett and these are complete strangers like I've never met before, and I would have people constantly like in our room, like just speaking life over us, because it was such a place of of depression for me. It was so traumatic. It was, um a dark, dark place, because there were so many times I would cry out to the Lord, like God, why don't you just heal him? Why don't you just heal him? And and it came to the point where I stopped asking why, um, and I just praise him because I know his heart. He loves Beckett so much more than I ever could. He loves me more than my husband ever could. He loves my husband more than I ever could and he knows what he's doing, even when we don't understand, like he knows what he's doing and although, of of course, I would love when Beckett gets healed 100% and never has a seizure a day in his life, ever again.
Speaker 2:His life is already such a testimony, like I remember when I was pregnant with him and I went to my old church, there is a random lady who came up to me and she said that child in your womb shall live and shall not die. And when she said it, it has such authority over it. And so whenever Beckett, or whenever I was scared that I was losing Beckett in my womb, or whenever I didn't feel him move for a certain number of minutes or whatever it was, and even the time when I thought I was going to lose him, I prophesied that over him I said, beckett, you shall live and you will not die, you shall live and you shall not die, in the name of Jesus. And I would just say that over him over and over and over again, especially the times when we thought we were going to lose him. And so God is so faithful going to lose him, and so God, god is so faithful. And. And Texas Children's for me is a really interesting place because we have to go back every six months to get get Beckett scanned and just to do like some follow-up appointments and whatnot, and it's almost like it's. It's a place of trauma, but it's a place of healing, but it's a place of healing and it's a place where I got to really be intimate with the Lord and ask God the hard questions and hear the hard answers and really just feel His presence, his strong, intimate presence with me during that whole time, and it's a time that I'll treasure forever, quite honestly.
Speaker 2:And so, just moving forward, my son after he got his brain surgeries and whatnot, we thought he was seizure free and then, unfortunately, we got into a car accident earlier this year and then we saw some seizures come back and we didn't know if it was because of the car accident or not.
Speaker 2:So we got an EEG done. We talked with neurologists and specialists and they're like no, it's not because of the car accident, it's just because that's what TSC does. It's just a genetic condition that has no cure. There are things to help the symptoms, like brain surgeries and medications and the keto diet, and there are just other things to help, but there is no cure as of yet. And so we're just really believing God for healing whatever that looks like. We're just really believing God for healing whatever that looks like. Um, it could be that Beckett ends up, um, you know, uh, helping, helping with the cure, or he gets a hundred percent healed and he lays hands on people and they are miraculously healed of genetic conditions. Um, I mean, the possibilities are endless and I know God is going to use Beckett for his glory, like he already is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, totally, he already is right now as you're sharing this story, he is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he bent.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing that with me and with everyone here. This is you have been on a long journey, a very, very long journey, and I think that it's beautiful the way that you're seeing God in all of these moments and the way that he has walked with you through it too.
Speaker 2:No, thank you. Yeah, God is. He is so good, he is so amazing.
Speaker 1:And now you have another little boy too here.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, that's kind of where his story comes in too. So when I was at Texas Children's in the ICU, that's when I found out I was pregnant.
Speaker 1:Wow, so that had to be a real rollercoaster of emotion, because you're going through this incredibly difficult time. Yeah, pregnant.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely. I found out I was pregnant and I actually thought I was losing Baylor as well, because every baby is different, of course. But I saw Beckett on the ultrasound super early, like at I don't know, maybe six weeks or something, and so I decided to do an early scan with Baylor as well, just because of my history and stuff. So I had to find an OB in Houston and I did an early scan and they told me how far along I was. I think oh, excuse me, I think I was maybe, I would say, about six weeks at that point too. And there was nothing. I mean, there was like a sack, but that was it. And so they're like, oh, just come back in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 2:But of course, my mind is spiraling at that point because, like, oh, my son's in the hospital, he's about to get brain surgery and I almost lost him, and now I'm pregnant and I'm not seeing this baby, like just spiraling. And then, a couple weeks later, at seven weeks, still there was nothing. And so at this point I'm like, oh man, you know, like what's going on? I demanded progesterone, I was taking baby aspirin, I was doing everything I knew how to do, and it was to the point where I'm like God, I just surrender everything to you. I'm trying to take everything in my control and doing what I can, and, of course, I like I'll partner with you and and, and you know, and and do, uh, what I believe you would like for me to do.
Speaker 2:But ultimately, like life and death is in your hands. You know especially, especially life, especially babies, like they're, they're gifts from you, god, so I just need to trust you. I don't know what's going on. And then, finally, I go back at eight weeks on the dot and their bailer is just swimming around. He was, he was fine, and I was so overjoyed I just started sobbing and the OB was like what's wrong? And I basically just like word vomited, everything that was happening at that moment, and he's like, wow, you've been through a lot and yeah, so that was the blessing. So both sons are here and they're healthy and growing. And are here and they're healthy and growing and and it's truly a blessing.
Speaker 1:No, that's a beautiful thing. I just what a heartwarming moment. I'm sure that was for you when you're like, oh he's fine, he's good. I've been, I've been nervous all this time. It's. It is very hard and challenging. We had a couple of episodes about loss and I've been through a few myself and I think that it is very hard, after you've had a loss, to not think that that's going to happen again, even though it's a different pregnancy, it's a different time, everything has changed. It's still in your mind. You know it's for me. I always struggle until getting closer towards the end, which even then we're not promised. But it's a hard. It's a hard thing to get through and I think that many women that haven't experienced loss yet they don't know these mental spirals that we go down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's very true. I'm so sorry for your losses.
Speaker 1:Thank you Very much. Like yours, there are blessings in it, right, and the Lord's hand was in it. He's good. He's good all the time, amen.
Speaker 1:And even through those types of situations and there's mine in particular I feel like were very big moments in my life big moments of growth, big moments of learning. And the first one, especially because I actually got to see the baby, that was a huge moment of like wow, this is incredible. What forms so quickly is just amazing. You know, we don't see the process because the baby's inside of us and obviously with technology we can see 3D images and all this stuff that technology has come out with. But to actually physically see how much or how developed a baby is at such a young age, it was a miracle to me and that was my kind of takeaway from that moment.
Speaker 1:But I would love for you to just kind of share, because you have been through a lot of hardship and a lot of pain and come out on the other side and walked along with the Lord during this time too. I mean, obviously there was a lot of pain after the situation with the pastor that you know. I'm sure you were just hiding out on your own for a bit, but it sounds like you were still crying out to the Lord during that time too and through all of this. So I think what I would love for you to just share with our listeners today is for those who are struggling, whether it be with something in their past, you know, moving on from that, or experiencing miscarriage, or experiencing hardship, or health issues with themselves or with their children, issues with themselves or with their children.
Speaker 2:What would be your best encouragement, I guess, or you know what you've learned along the way. I would say it is always better to walk these hard things with the Lord than without him. And during the times when I was going through really tough moments, like I shared earlier, it is so easy to shut down, it's so easy to blame you. It's not God's you know heart for you to be hurting the way that you are, or you know when, when you're hurting, he's hurting too, like he loves you so much and he cares for you so much and he truly has the best plan for you in his heart and, you know, in his mind. And, um, I was just saying to cling onto the Lord because he's, he's going to be the one to to help you get to the other side.
Speaker 2:And what also helped me too, it was to be grateful, be grateful for the blessings that, um, that I, that I do have, even in the darkest of times, um, I, I would keep telling myself I have the Lord and and he is mine and I am his, and that is, that's good enough for me, um, and I would literally go outside and go like, wow, I'm alive and the birds are singing and the sky is blue and it's sunny and beautiful. Um, even the smallest things really build up a heart of gratitude and, um, I, and so I, I, I would just say that like to always walk this life, this journey, with the Lord, because it's going to be hard, you're going to have some really big scars and bruises and obstacles and bumps along the way, and as long as you walk it with the Lord, you're going to be okay.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful advice, very well said. Was there anything else that you wanted to share about your testimony, or just with listeners today?
Speaker 2:um, well, I really feel like God wants me to rehash, um kind of what repentance really is, because I think a lot of people, and like Christians in in particular, will hear, like repent, or you know, you need to repent, you need to go repenting, and and, um, it's like a scary word to them and I just really feel like I really do want to explain that. Like, repenting really just means to turn away, it's to turn away from your sin, it's to turn away from what you've been doing, and just turning away from that thing and going towards the Lord. It really is not a scary thing. It's a process, because the Lord calls us to be holy like he is holy, and so sanctification and all of that is definitely a process you need to walk through every single day to be more like Jesus, us. But repentance is, um is a beginning step to that, and it really is just forsaking your sin and turning towards the Lord.
Speaker 2:So, um, I just want to encourage anybody who is walking through something that is really hard, or even a um, uh, a hidden sin, if you will, or living a double life, or um, just knowingly doing something you're not supposed to be doing, just because you know it breaks the Lord's heart. Um, and that's not what he has for you. Um to to ask the Lord for forgiveness and repent, and you will see your life turn around as long as you keep walking with the Lord and allow Him to continue to prune you and to mold you and shape you. It will be a hard process, but it will be so worth it in the end.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely. That's a very great point that you're making on this. I'm glad that you brought this up because I think a lot of people, even in listening to your story and what happened with the pastor in particular, could have said it would have been easy for you to walk away from the church at that point to say, oh you know, this leader, this spiritual leader, was misleading me and leading me down a wrong path, but instead you recognized that this wasn't about the Lord necessarily. This was about you two as individuals and the choice that you had made, which you regretted and it sounds like you regretted it for a long time before it finally came to a head and that allowed you to propel because you repented into a deeper relationship with him over time. And I think that's a beautiful thing, because a lot of people would turn away from God during that time or leave, you know, their church communities forever, type of thing.
Speaker 2:So that's very powerful.
Speaker 1:I'm glad that you circled back to repentance. Repentance, because I think that it is important for us to understand, and then it doesn't have to be this big scary thing. It's literally turn away and cease and desist what you are doing. Well, elle, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. This has been extremely powerful.
Speaker 2:Of course. Thank you so much for having me and allowing me this opportunity to share a little bit of my testimony, and just the goodness of God, I really appreciate it, of course.
Speaker 1:Yes, he is so good in all things, as we have heard through your story, and I just want to thank everyone for listening and tuning in on this journey with us.
Speaker 1:If you would like to find Elle outside of the podcast I have in here for Instagram, at Real Elle Brown, and if you would like to follow along the podcast outside of this, you can find us on Instagram as well, at the Radiant Mission, on Facebook, at the Radiant Mission Podcast, or, if you're not already watching this on YouTube, on YouTube Today. We are going to close with Proverbs 3, verses 5 through 6. These are verses that really spoke to Elle during different seasons of her life and always in different ways, and she says that God's words, through this verse, kept me anchored when I felt like my world was crashing around me due to various circumstances. And those verses are trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to him and he will make your paths straight. We are wishing you a radiant week and we'll see you next time, everyone.
