The Radiant Mission
The Radiant Mission
124. Countercultural Motherhood: Redefining Birth & Breastfeeding w/Haden
Countercultural motherhood comes alive as we talk with our special guest, Haden, a passionate home birth advocate from Midland, Texas. Discover Haden's personal journey from knowing nothing about home births to wholeheartedly embracing it for her first child. Together, we discuss how trusting the body's natural capabilities can lead to profound spiritual benefits, challenging the conventional medical approach that often interrupts natural processes like childbirth and menstruation.
Many women face hurdles with hormonal birth control, and we're not shying away from the tough conversations. Join us as we uncover the emotional and psychological impacts of IUDs and implants like Mirena and Nexplanon. Together with Haden, we call for greater transparency and understanding in women's healthcare, advocating for informed choices amidst a societal landscape that often resists acknowledging the drawbacks of birth control.
The path to physiological birth is a transformative one, and we're thrilled to share insights on navigating myths around birth and breastfeeding. Haden opens up about her home birth experience, from selecting a bathtub over a birth pool to the unexpected challenges she faced. We highlight the importance of preparation, support, and debunking common misconceptions about milk supply. This episode invites listeners to explore a holistic approach to motherhood, offering inspiration and guidance for their own journeys.
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Hello and welcome to the Radiant Mission Podcast. My name is Rebecca Toomey and we are on a mission to encourage and inspire you as you're navigating through your life and with your relationship with Christ. We've been in a series on being countercultural in a secular world, and today I welcome a very special guest who not only loves Jesus but recently broke the mold and went against cultural norms by having a home birth for her first baby. Hayden is now a home birth enthusiast and is all about instinctual motherhood, and her sweet family lives in Midland Texas and she is loving life as a stay-at-home mom. You can find her on Instagram at haydenleejohnson Hayden. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you and I both have a mutual friend and that is Audrey at A Joyful Birth. And so for folks that have been listening to the show for a while, or if you're new here, scroll back like 50 episodes. And she was on. But I really just want to go ahead and jump in and start with. But I really just want to go ahead and jump in and start with. Can you share a little bit about you? Who are you and where are you from, and tell us all the things?
Speaker 2:I am from Stephenville, texas. I was born in Spokane, washington, though my mom is from Washington, my dad's from Texas. They met and dated for about seven years, had me and then decided that Texas was where they were going to call home. I went to college for a little bit and then kind of decided it wasn't for me, dropped out and then, um, I never even knew that you could have a home birth and that was just something that was never in my vision, it was never something I wanted to do.
Speaker 2:Um, and then, as of very recently like, I'll be honest, probably two a year ago um, I decided that that was something I'd want to do if the Lord did bless my husband and I to have a baby, and I also felt like, as my faith grew in Jesus, my faith in the human body also grew, among so many other things, beyond birth even. Um, so, yeah, and then just a lot of preparation, research beforehand. Um, it was a very easy decision for me to make to have my first baby at home. And then I also have a family member that really pushed me in the counterculture direction when she kind of started telling me because I was on birth control and I wanted to kind of get off of it, not for any purpose other than I'm married and she just kind of told me, like how bad it was for you and the damage it can do to your body and how it spiritually isn't even good for your soul, and I said whoa sent me down a rabbit hole and then I gave birth to my bathtub.
Speaker 1:I love it, I love the jump and I love that you had people in your life that were speaking these truths to you, because sometimes that's where I feel like and that's why this show exists and other podcasts like it is to raise awareness about things or to talk about things that maybe are not talked about enough or in a truthful and real way, and I love that. You pointed out that there is a spiritual aspect when we're taking birth control.
Speaker 2:Oh yes.
Speaker 1:Because you'll hear well, everything has side effects. But what about our soul? What about that side of? If we're suppressing a piece of our bodies, a portion of ourselves, on birth control? What is that doing for our greater spiritual self?
Speaker 2:And celebrating it at the same time to not having a menstrual cycle and having all the negative side effects that go with it. The celebration of that and it's like, no, your menstrual cycle is something that's beautiful and it means you're a healthy young woman, and instead it's derogatory and dirty and, oh, you don't want to have one, and I understand they can be like, not fun. But in the same breath it says your body is meant to do what was created to do that and you're suppressing it.
Speaker 1:Isn't it amazing? I love that you're using the word suppress here, because it's accurate. But isn't it amazing how modern medicine is all about the suppression of the human body and how our human bodies were made to be? Like I mentioned to you before we started, I have a little bit of a cough still. My cough is my body, expelling what it needs to expel. But what does pharma want to do? Suppress it with a cough suppressant, with cough drops. That's suppressant. You know, everything is about suppressing the symptom rather than allowing the body to heal and to go through it.
Speaker 2:It's also about escaping discomfort too, which is very, very heavy in our society. Nobody wants to have discomfort, Nobody wants to sit in it, Nobody wants to learn from it, grow from it or even just allow our bodies to go through the process of being sick or allow our bodies to go through the process of pregnancy, and it's it breaks my heart to see so many women wanting to induce labor at 36, 37 weeks because they're uncomfortable and it's like no, don't do that.
Speaker 1:You're bringing up such a point. It's amazing because it could just be a few more days for some people, or another week or two weeks, and it's like we can't sacrifice a week or two of discomfort to ensure that not only our baby has a good experience, but that we don't experience birth trauma, going through something that we didn't need to go through. But you're right, so much of the birth system inside the hospital is about convenience, is about comfort, is about let's put us in the best, most comfortable, pain-free, so to speak, air quotes, put us in the best, most comfortable, pain-free, so to speak, air quotes position possible. But I want to back up for a second, because we're talking about countercultural stuff and in some ways it's weird for me to say which I'm sure it is for you now too to say this is countercultural, because to me, home birth and avoiding pharmaceuticals is very normal. To me, home birth and avoiding pharmaceuticals is very normal. It's not weird to me, but it's viewed as against the grain to society and home birth. You know it's taboo for a lot of people. They are like oh my gosh, home birth is so dangerous. But God designed our bodies to give birth. Like you said, he designed our bodies to have periods and to menstruate and to go through that cycle, and when we don't go through it and when we force ourselves to be suppressed by birth control, we cause damage to it. I mean, birth control is a class one carcinogen, so that's something for us to really consider there.
Speaker 1:Anyway, let's talk a little bit about how you got there, because you were our first time mom. That home birth and that is not that common. It happens, obviously, yes, but what was the thing? Was there a one thing that was like I've seen what I needed to see in the hospital, these moms kind of thing. Was it a moment or was it gradual? And this kind of thing that you're like you know what? I'm staying home. I I'm not new in that whole thing it was.
Speaker 2:It was gradual and then all of a sudden if that makes any sense at all it was very gradual and then it was like absolutely that I would not do it any other way. I kind of like grew up in the hospital system. I guess you could say for me just being sick as a child, from me just being sick as a child and then realizing, as I kind of went on my journey, there were so many things that were never brought into question when I was sick as a child and I was having these feigning spells and I just was never well, I was never once asked what my diet was like. I was never once asked how are you sleeping? What kind of stress levels did you have? And looking back, stress was very, very clearly a reason why I was sick and I was never even asked that it was just immediate medication. So that also, and then having family members getting diagnosed with cancer and then seeing them go through that long drawn out process of being in the hospital system and being in and out of hospitals and visiting them and them coming home and sadly having to say goodbye to them, that also just kind of tainted my faith in what I thought of the hospital system. And that's not to say that anything was wrong about either of those situations. It was just me kind of learning and growing in myself and then looking back and being like, huh, hmm, that's kind of weird.
Speaker 2:And also my um, my family member Also my family member.
Speaker 2:She had a home birth and then she also had a free birth as well. And seeing her go through her absolutely beautiful journey and I look up to her so much and her kind of opening, cracking the door for me with why don't you look at how bad birth control is for you? I went on a spiral and whenever I, whenever my husband and I very first decided that we wanted then educating myself, being informed on everything, trying to figure out what I envisioned for my birth and how I needed to execute that, and what I kind of did was I started at the very far end of the spectrum, which is free birthing, and I worked my way back and then found where I would be most comfortable. And then that was what I decided to do. And my husband, he made sure that he ate healthy, he worked out a bunch. He was right there along with me listening to positive birth stories and deconstructing the idea of birth in the media and things like that. So whenever we decided to get pregnant, I was fully informed.
Speaker 1:I knew exactly what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do it and, yeah, it wasn't like an aha moment, it was gradual, and then all of a sudden pieces to this right, because there's we've talked on the podcast a little bit about conditioning, mental conditioning and programming I guess you could call it yes, where we grow up and we're programmed to believe or think a certain way, like about the medical system, as you mentioned. You know, when you grow up in the medical system, you often feel like that's the place to go. Those are the experts that you go to, and then, as you get older and you see the disservice that it does to a lot of people, I think that's the first kind of like crack in the screen. It's the first crack in it. You're like wait a second.
Speaker 1:I've gone through this with my own mother-in-law who she had a stroke and went to the hospital and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. No, and a couple of weeks later she was having stroke symptoms again, very sick, went to a different hospital. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. My cousin happens to be a doctor and we pulled her results from this both hospitals and sent them to her and she said she's having strokes. Why are they not? Why are they not recognizing this? It's, it's in their own paperwork, you know, it's in their own tests right here. So we ended up taking her to a stroke hospital and it turns out she had had dozens of strokes.
Speaker 2:Oh bless her heart.
Speaker 1:It's just one of those examples that you know. So many people I know go to the medical system for help and don't get it, even when they're seeking specific help for a specific thing.
Speaker 2:Especially women, especially women. And it's always so crazy to me how any woman off the street, you pull them and say what's women's healthcare like? And it's, oh, it's horrible, but home birth is dangerous and I don't agree with that, but I don't trust the medical system. Or I had endometriosis and PCOS and they would not diagnose me with either of those, or they said that those are like not even real diagnosis and it's always crazy to me how a woman can acknowledge that and say women within the medical system are abused so often. We're dramatic. Um, we're making it up, it's all in our heads. Well, are you sleeping enough? Well, any of these factors that just like write women off. But whenever, as soon as we get pregnant very, very quickly, are we to turn our bodies over entirely to the medical system. So I feel like there's a disconnect right there that you are doing an amazing job at highlighting and saying hey, there are other options for women with their healthcare, especially during pregnancy and labor and delivery and postpartum even.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Hey, I was one of those women and you'll love this story. I had an IUD when I was younger and I was having suicidal ideation where I was just fantasizing about killing myself. It didn't make any sense, because that's not how I am at all, never have been. I'm like this is so weird. This is not me and I knew it was from the IUD. It was the hormonal Mirena IUD.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I went to get it out First. Ob couldn't get it out and she didn't have a ultrasound machine, so she couldn't see what she was doing. So I called my insurance and I was like this thing needs to come out today. Can you help me find a practice that can see me today that has an ultrasound machine? They found one. So I go to this place and it's a male OBGYN and I tell him what's going on and this is where the gaslighting that you're mentioning comes in. He says oh, you don't need to get your IUD out, you just need to be on an antidepressant.
Speaker 2:There you go, convey your book.
Speaker 1:I could have slapped this guy. I was like, excuse me, sir, but no, I need to get it out. He did attempt to get it out and couldn't because, guess what, it was embedded to my uterine wall so I had to have it surgically removed and yeah, so like worst case scenario, right. But I want to tell you I was a different person within one. Like I got it out on a Friday, saturday comes by, my husband is like you're different, you're calmer, and just the way that I felt it was like a weight was lifted off of me. Anxiety that I had felt from this thing went away. I never had thoughts like that, ever again.
Speaker 1:And it's so frustrating to me that doctors will say things like try to cover a problem from a medication with another medication. That will also cause problems, and antidepressants and antipsychotics can also make you way worse and have even bigger issues. But then the other thing I want to address here is the women to women, part of this woman to woman that Whenever this conversation I'll give this my story as an example comes up within a group of women, there is a resistance to it oftentimes, and I know it's a defense mechanism, because women don't want to think about the idea of birth control being taken away from them. Yes, it's too hard to think about what life would be like without birth control. It's like you have to shatter an idea. You're shattering the programming around birth control, or you're trying to, by even suggesting that it could cause a problem, when anyone could look at an insert for any birth control and see the side effects are a mile long.
Speaker 1:So, they'll say things like well, I was fine, I had it for five years and never had a problem.
Speaker 2:And I was one of those women. So you know, yes, no, I do, I was on. I was on Nexplanon, the bar in your arm. I got put on when I was 18 because I had ovarian cysts. Not any question of well, let's check your hormone levels. Just oh, you have cysts, not any question of, well, let's check your hormone levels, just oh yeah, and cysts.
Speaker 2:Here's birth control. No, quite like immediately, and I didn't know any better. I was just like, okay, didn't have a problem with it for years and years and years turn around. My husband and I just got engaged and I kind of started thinking about maybe getting it removed but was still like, eh, we'll wait until after we're married, whatever. And I went into go have it replaced and I was like, if I want to get it removed in a couple months, I can't, because the time to get it replaced was up. I got it replaced and I tell you, within a week I was exactly like you. I was in a completely different and the reason why I didn't think it was I thought it's the stress of planning a wedding. I just got engaged.
Speaker 2:So many life changes. I'm moving all the way to Midland, like that's kind of what I thought it was for the longest time. I say longest time, it was maybe a month, cause that's how bad. It got very quickly and my husband one day very, very bravely sat me down and said I think it's your birth control. Wanted to slap him because how dare you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, how dare you? You can't take this away from me. I was like how?
Speaker 2:dare you First of all tell me that I'm hormonal Crazy? He was absolutely correct, cause then I went back to go get it removed. Less than a month later, turns out it was a completely different drug he had put in my arm oh wow.
Speaker 2:They changed the hormonal levels of it, so my body reacted negatively to it, extensively. So, as I'm sitting there in the room about to get it removed just now hearing oh well, it's because it's a completely different hormonal level and it's a completely different drug I was disgusted. I felt so betrayed. And this is an ob and it was a male. This was an ob that I actually really loved, I liked him. But after that and then also finding out that with Nexpanon you can actually have an egg get fertilized Did not know that, was not told that I would have chosen a different birth control, even at age of 18 if I would have known that, and so I just I lost all my trust right then and there, and that's what sent me on my spiral also.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I totally agree with you, but they're the same experience with having an IUD too. It was something that I didn't realize or understand fully until later. That same thing that you can have an egg fertilize and go into your ut, into your uterus. And with the copper iud in particular, it makes your uterus unhospitable, like how gross is that? Yeah, it creates an unhospitable, hospitable environment that can literally tear the embryo apart, and it just made me feel I went through a lot of just feeling very sad and guilty, almost.
Speaker 1:It's hard to process that, right, because you don't know better, necessarily until you do. And that's why we're talking about this, because now everybody knows, right here, right now, now you know, heard it here. But it is important for us to have these conversations because anything that we put in our body that's foreign, that is not of God, that is not of the Lord, that he didn't create. We are changing our bodies, we're changing the chemistry of our bodies, we're changing the way that our bodies work and function and you know, it's just something that I think we all need to talk about and think about you just going on these paths and choosing what you feel God chose best for you to say I'm not. I'm not messing with this birth control stuff anymore. You know, I'm going to trust the Lord and I'm sure there's there's other, there's other factors and other things that we can do. Right, we actually have a whole series on fertility awareness method. Yes, for those listening that are scared about the whole birth control thing, I can't not be on birth control.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, there are other options you know, my husband and I did those other options and they worked perfectly. And the moment, without being too I guess you can't be too TMI but without being too TMI, like the moment we decided to try, I got pregnant because that's how accurate it can be and it worked for us for two years on. We weren't ready to have a baby, so we didn't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, it's funny when I, when I went to the OB to actually I ended up getting a second IUD, if you can believe that.
Speaker 2:And when I went to finally have it removed.
Speaker 1:I know I got the copper one next and then I had even more problems. So anyway, it's a story for another day. Well, actually I already shared the story on this podcast, so we'll just scroll back. You know what he said to me he goes. So what are you going to do? You're not going to you know, you're taking this IUD out.
Speaker 1:You're not going to go on the pill or anything. What are you going to do? And, first of all, why do I have to answer that question to you guy? But we said we're going to follow fertility awareness method. And he said, oh, you know what we call that parents? And I was like, okay, that parents? And I was like, okay, that's gross, gross, right and same thing. We, we followed fam and didn't have a baby for a year, whatever it was, and then, when we decided that we wanted to get pregnant, I had understood how my cycle worked and understood those fertility windows, and that's the thing that's really awesome about it, and I know that a lot of folks are worried about. Well, I have an irregular cycle and things of that nature.
Speaker 1:I'd encourage them to go down the route of looking into their diet, following an anti-inflammatory diet, something of that nature, because that can help get your hormones back on track. Our world is so full of toxins. I was just watching a video today about how Tampax put all these parabens and paraffins into their tampons in 2020. And now the ingredient composition is different than it used to be 10 years ago, let's say, and women are sticking those up their hoo-ha and of course they're going to influence your hormones and of course they're going to change and shift the way that our bodies work. That's just one product. It's not body wash and shampoos and lotions and all these things perfumes, all of these endocrine disruptors and things that we use in and on our bodies that can influence fertility.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely yes.
Speaker 1:So let's get back to home birth for a second or for a while, however long you want to go, because I want to hear more about you made the decision to have a home birth. Did you get nervous as you were getting closer to your date? When did you end up having your baby? Were you, were you? Did you have a guest date? Or you know due date or whatever however you wanted to label it? Were you looking at that? Was it something you were thinking about? Walk us through.
Speaker 2:I was not, so I had no anxiety at all. As soon as I got pregnant, I had no anxiety, I had no fear, and I had what I called like a very I guess cocky where I was like I'm so excited for labor, I can't wait to experience it, and just the outlook on it, like I was so excited to give birth, I was so excited to go into labor, and I honestly think that just my faith and knowing that this is what I was designed to do, and then also just understanding physiological birth at such a deep level and understanding also contributes to the peace I felt too, and I was. I was still humbled, though that's not to say I was not humbled during labor. I absolutely was. I was having contractions and was thinking I had back labor also the entire time. I don't think I had one contraction in my belly at all, oh no, was he sunny side up.
Speaker 2:He was sitting on the opposite side that he was supposed to, so he had to rotate all the way down.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so he had to rotate all the way around and then decided to come up.
Speaker 1:That's usually what happens with back labor. Right is, babies just have to have to, has to make their spin.
Speaker 2:Yeah, spinning out to the yes and I did the whole spin babies thing for months because he did not leave that side of my belly. I don't think he was ever on my left side once. He was just on that.
Speaker 2:He was where he was comfortable favorite side of the bed, I guess. Um, yeah, right, he, uh, but yeah, I mean, he was good to me during pregnancy, though I didn't really have. I had a very easy pregnancy. I loved being pregnant, um until I would have to get up off the couch at 40 weeks, no morning sickness or anything like that I had a little bit of morning sickness, but it wasn't anything I couldn't manage.
Speaker 2:Um, making sure I'm eating enough protein first thing in the morning uh, ginger candy, uh, bone broth. Still, keep, keep exercising. Uh, I would say if I would get really nauseous I would take a cold shower and that would help. Also For my husband's recommendations. He loves telling me anytime I have anything wrong with me. He's like take a cold shower.
Speaker 1:That's. That's his global advice. I love it. Yes, did you follow a specific pregnancy diet, like real food for pregnancy or brewer's diet or anything like that.
Speaker 2:I kind of did a version of the brewer's diet and I did read real food for pregnancy and I didn't really try and like stick to one thing. I just made sure that I was always eating whole, nutrient dense foods. I didn't prioritize one thing over another. I was eating my prenatal I guess is what you could call it Lots of eggs, lots of milk, lots of red meat, lots of smoked oysters, pearl powder. I'm trying to think of what the creator's name is Noelle on Instagram. I can't think of her handle right now, but I absolutely love her and the freely rooted podcast. She has a full episode on there about prenatal uh diet and I just kind of took that and ran with it also, um, she's the one that recommended the smoked oysters and stuff nasty, but I did it I was gonna say oyster is good for you.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I could do it and uh, but yeah, I didn't really follow like a specific diet I would say, other than just avoiding junk, avoiding ultra processed foods, um, and avoiding a little too much sugar. I noticed during my first trimester if I would eat a little too much sugar it would always make me nauseous. First trimester, if I would eat a little too much sugar, it would always make me nauseous. So avoiding sugar also.
Speaker 1:But other than that, just listening to my body and eating what it was telling me to eat. Yeah, that's awesome. So you got to 40 weeks, and then what happens next?
Speaker 2:I got to 40 weeks and I kind of had to mentally prepare myself that, okay, my midwives are going to start talking about induction. I had to kind of mentally prep myself for that. Went in for my 40 week appointment and, yeah, they did say they were like, well, 42 weeks is when we'll, we can't take care of you anymore. And I talked to my husband about it and we kind of decided that if it does reach that point and if I'm okay and if baby's okay, we're going to still do a home birth. We talked about it, agreed to it. Thankfully did not have to do that. I had him exactly on 41 weeks.
Speaker 2:Um, my, I didn't really try and I wasn't sure. I still was not searching for labor, I still was not trying to force labor, I wasn't doing any craziness. Um, uh, my husband was looking up different things to do and we had a what did we call it A serotonin day. We had a serotonin day and he took me and we got pedicures together. We watched my favorite movies. I think I ate my favorite food, which is pho. I love pho.
Speaker 1:I think I ate my favorite food, which is pho I love pho and he just kind of made like a day for me serotonin day, and then the next day I had my first contraction while eating lunch with my family.
Speaker 2:Wow, wow, serotonin day worked. Look at that, it worked. That is what I recommend to every mom I'm like if you're reaching that point and you're kind of getting nervous about your guest date or whatever, the worst thing you can do is stress. The worst thing you can do is put pressure on yourself. The worst thing you can do is restrict yourself and have that mentality of what if? Restrict yourself and have that mentality of what if it's. Take it step by step, take it day by day and just really focus on yourself and being happy, especially with you and your husband.
Speaker 2:One of my most fondest moments of my husband and I are those last few days leading up to going into labor, because those are the last few days that it was just him and I and we really did a lot to cherish those and make new memories together and just spend really good quality time together also. So cause I mean birth is what you have to completely surrender yourself to it. You can't control it. It's not your job to put yourself into labor. Your body will do what it's meant to do, and that's the mindset I had, and I had him at exactly 41 weeks.
Speaker 1:I love that and it is very true that if we are under pressure or stress or there's outside factors, it can prevent us from going into labor. I had a doula during my first home birth who she shared with me two out of her four labors, so I think it was like numbers two and three or something like that. She actually went into labor when her and her husband went to stay alone together at a hotel, like she was away from her other children and it was just her being with her other children taking care of them. Her body and her mind was focused on that and she couldn't relax. And once she went on this you know, staycation in town, whatever with her husband for a night, she went into labor. Wife. That happened to her and I thought that that was really funny. Now I have not had that issue. Thankfully I've gone into labor with all my kids being here, but I noticed that for myself. I always have a lot of tasks. I get very nasty.
Speaker 1:And when I complete the list is like when my body's like all right, you can go into labor now your list is done. So I've made my list shorter with every pregnancy, just so we're not waiting around.
Speaker 2:I got so nasty too. My poor husband. He was putting together so many different things for me and helping me check things off my to-do list. Like I'm cleaning the baseboards. Like we got to make a good first impression.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, oh yeah. And the, the nesting pregnancy hormones are so weird too, because it's not always stuff that makes sense. You know, it's like I got to clean out this drawer that I've never cleaned out in 10 years.
Speaker 1:That's not significant or important in any way to this birth of this baby, but that's just how it is. I had two long lists, double-sided, and I start early, girl. I'm like at four months, here's my list of things I need to do and it doesn't make any sense. I don't know. I don't know why I'm this way.
Speaker 2:I wish I started that early. I waited right up until that last minute and said okay, so I need to do everything you know we all.
Speaker 1:We all have our things and our ways of working. But now you know you got you can start your list early, yes, but you know my sister always jokes. She's like I wish I had your nesting energy, not pregnant, because then I can actually get things done. I had your nesting energy, not pregnant, because then I could actually get things done. And I said I wish I had my nesting energy, not pregnant too. But all right. So you got to 41 weeks and then you're out to lunch you have your first contraction. Did you feel like and this is the thing that's so fun about hearing birth stories, when it's the first time, it's like did you know you were in labor? Did you know that it was happening? Or were you like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I just heard my husband chuckle in the background because I did not believe I was in labor until I was probably seven, eight centimeters dilated, like I was having consistent contractions. I the reason why I did not think I was in labor is because I did not feel it in my stomach. I only felt them in my back and I also had never given birth before.
Speaker 1:So I'm like okay, so as soon as my contractions done.
Speaker 2:Um, I'm like totally fine, like I'm chatting, I'm sitting here like I feel normal, and then I would have another one and then be normal again. And I didn't. I was like I don't know about that and that's the one thing that no amount of preparation watching birth, watching home birth videos, listening to birth stories prepared me for is how true labor actually goes, so like you can watch it. But when I was going through it, I'm like that's, that's not what I'm going through. So I think my doula and my midwife showed up at the same time and I told my husband I wanted my doula there a little bit early, but it didn't happen because my contractions went from five minutes apart to a minute apart very quickly and I don't even remember my doula or my midwife coming to the getting here.
Speaker 1:I don't even remember them arriving.
Speaker 2:That's how far gone I was and I was in birthing la la land and uh. But yeah, I just gaslighted myself aggressively that I'm not in labor. It's also the which I'm working on it. The aggressive people pleaser in me and the overwhelming me to not be an inconvenience. I was so terrified of telling my midwife or my doula to come to the house and then me actually not be in labor. That was a horrible fear of mine. I would have felt so bad for wasting their time doing that, so that also contributed to the reason why it took until my husband was like I'm not listening to you anymore, I'm just going to call them.
Speaker 1:I think that's a pretty common anymore. I'm just going to call them I think that's a pretty common thing and that's a good call out, because that is something that a lot of women worry about when they're having a baby and, whether it's the first time or not, is am I really in labor? Is this really happening? But I also do think that there isn't a need for anybody else to be there, because you're doing your thing. So it's okay to wait, it's cool to wait, and for those home birthing, you're pretty prepared, no matter what, right Like, there's always the, there's always going to be the potential that you're going to have the baby before the midwife comes. Oh, yeah, so that's something. That's like what? Yeah, so you're ready for that. So you know, yes, it was awesome.
Speaker 2:I didn't. I didn't initially plan which, looking back, I am so glad I did hire a doula. I initially. I initially hired her in my mind to help my husband because he just kept asking me um um, I might butcher her last name, but emily uh saldea with the free birth society. We watched her um uh podcast episode over how your partner can assist you in your free birth and we watched it together and he still was like I'm still so nervous, I still like I'm still I have so much anxiety. And so in my mind I was like, okay, we'll hire a doula that can, when I'm in labor, doing all the things she can assist, help you, to help me, I guess? Sure, yeah, she was phenomenal. I absolutely loved my doula. She was amazing. I could not have handled my birth and my delivery as well as I did without her. She was incredible and but yeah, looking back, I got her for him and then she ended up being everything I needed and more.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. I'm so glad to hear that. It sounds like she really supported you. It was probably very encouraging. I don't know if she was helping with positions or counter pressure or anything like that, but that can be really helpful too.
Speaker 2:Yes, she was, she was doing, she was doing all the things, and then she also helped me for my breastfeeding journey too, and I'm also convinced breastfeeding for me has been very, very easy. The Lord has blessed me incredibly in that department. I have not had any trouble with it at all, but she also set me up for success with that also. So I really appreciate that. That's the one thing I will always tell soon-to-be moms that want to breastfeed is take a lactation course, because there's so much out there that you don't know about, and it breaks my heart to hear breastfeeding journeys end simply because they don't know and simply because they don't have the support, and it makes me so sad. So that is one thing find a lactate, find a um IBCLC and go through that process with them, because they will set you up with success.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Yep, absolutely agree.
Speaker 2:Most of them.
Speaker 1:True. Yes, we had an IBCLC on the show. I mean I wish I knew these episodes off the top of my head, but I don't. Her name is Sarah and she gave some really great advice and then also some information on ties and what to look for and things of that nature, because that is why a lot of moms can struggle. I actually have had ties in all my kids and still have breastfed and been fortunate enough to not struggle to breastfeed. I did have pain with my first, but I thought that was normal at the time and then by the time like the couple of weeks went by was over and I never had an issue ever since. So I'm in the same boat with you that breastfeeding has been a very positive and good journey. I do think that it's important for moms to seek that education and help and look into things that can never hurt and just get educated. But you know, the big thing too is not to hold too much stress or fear.
Speaker 1:I think that a lot of moms think that they need to be pumping bottles of milk when a baby's born and like they need a pinky know fingernail pinky fingernail size of milk the first week. Yes, they're feeding, they don't need all this milk, and that's something that I see a lot in these mom groups I'm in is I'm not producing enough, my milk hasn't come in and it's like your body needs to do?
Speaker 2:yes, exactly, and pumping also is not a good indicator of what your supply is at all. And I see, and I see so many moms say, oh, I'm only pumping, like this much milk, my of like low supply, I need to supplement with one. No, y'all like, what you're pumping is not accurate of how much your baby is receiving, and if there is latch issues or anything like that, you can find resources and help for that as well. But another thing that just is the belief that there's so many things within the birthing world and just motherhood in general, of things that are marketed as a have to do. You must do that, you do not have to do, you don't have to pump. Nobody has to keep like. Not every single mom has to pump in order to keep a supply up.
Speaker 2:Now, there are nuances for absolutely everything, but a mom that is able to breastfeed normally does not need to pump, and pumping can also cause so many issues in the long run Also, especially if you're not doing it correctly or have the support of a IBCLC to educate you on when and how to do it, if that is something that you want or need to do. But the belief that, oh, you absolutely have to pump. No, you don't. You don't have to put that much additional stress on yourself. You don't have to give your baby a bottle. You don't have to do anything. The only thing you have to do is listen to yourself.
Speaker 1:The only thing your baby needs is you. That's right. Reach, yeah, absolutely. You know, something that I learned that I didn't know going into my first baby nursing experience was that the milk changes throughout the day. And so let's say that a mom doesn't know this and she is pumping for night feeds, let's say, and then she's not giving the baby's not getting all of the milk, she's freezing some of it. It's like, technically, your baby isn't getting a percentage of milk that you're producing that changes in its fats and in its carbohydrates throughout the day. And I find found that really interesting and why and also is fascinating to me like some people would pump and they would combine all of their milk together from the whole day, from morning, afternoon to night, and there's a reason that it has these different levels to it. And there's a reason that it has these different levels to it.
Speaker 2:So the milk thing is like a whole hole that anyone can go down. Yes, I've gone down it just because my passion for everything pregnancy, birth related it's like a branch of it that I'm also obsessed with, because breath smoke is so incredible and so amazing and it's so innately designed to be exactly what it needs to be for your baby. And it breaks my heart to see moms that try everything they can to have a successful journey and they end up not being able to have that. And I don't want to say give up, because if you don't have the support to go on, then it's not you giving up Like you did not fail, it's a system that was set up for you to fail. And the lack of support around that is, I don't know it. Just it just really really makes me sad to see that so often.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely, and a lot of women. It's funny that you mentioned not all IBCLCs or lactation consultants. Let's say I don't know if this woman specifically was, but when I was at the hospital with my first, this lactation consultant came in and she was trying to get me to nurse in positions that she thought I should nurse in, for whatever reason. My baby and I were most comfortable when she was upright, so it was like her head was up and down, like she was just up and down, not across, and she kept trying to say try football, do this, do that. And I think it's probably because of her tie. It just pinched me every other way, so that was the most comfortable. This lady brought other people in the room like I was a circus freak. She was like I'm in here, I've never seen anybody nurse in this position before. I'm like you've never seen an upright position.
Speaker 2:This is literally a position but to go the latch in every way. He'll latch Like we've done some weird things.
Speaker 1:However, baby is going to latch is how baby is going to latch. And it's just an example of if I would have had head trash about that or been self-conscious, that could have been something that deterred me from continuing to breastfeed. And I think that that's something that a lot of consultants or people in the space, just you know need to consider is how they're approaching moms and how they're approaching the situation to help and to be supportive, because babies are gonna do what they're gonna to do.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Well now I don't want to skip over the birth part, because that's where we got to. Yes, so you, your doula gets there, she's helping you out. Your midwife gets there. Um, were you laboring in? You said you were in your tub or you had a birth pool, or both.
Speaker 2:Well. So whenever my midwives first did their in-home meeting yeah, like visit to like look at the house and I asked them I said, hey, we have a pretty big bathtub. Would this just work instead of a laboring tub? And they said, yeah, no, we've had moms give birth in their bathtubs all the time. If that's what you would rather do, and I was like sure, let's just do that. So I told them we'll just do that.
Speaker 2:If there is one thing I could change about my birth, it is laboring in that dang tub, because the water was not nearly high enough to where. I don't think I got that. I have people on Instagram ask me often how was your experience with a water birth? Would you recommend it? I don't know, because I did not get any of the benefits that come from birthing in the water, other than for my son being born very peacefully and smoothly, and not abruptly, I guess. So the transition was really good for him going into the water, but for me also having back labor, I would not do that again.
Speaker 2:The water wasn't deep enough, so I didn't get that zero gravity effect. I didn't get any of the pain relief from it. The water kept getting cold. I kept getting cold, um, and then my hands and knees, because it's a hard surface. My hands and knees were getting very sore because I was laboring on my hands and knees for a good while.
Speaker 2:I don't really know a timeline of anything. I just kind of woke up and it was hours later. But I eventually did whenever I think it was, whenever I started feeling the need to push, I leaned back and I got on my back. Well, because I was having strictly back labor, I was. You can see it in some of my home birth videos. I'm holding myself up like this in the bathtub that does not have enough water in it. I can figure out for the life of me, after I delivered him, why my arms and my back were so exhausted. Specifically, my arms and my back were so exhausted. Specifically, my arms and my back were so sore. I could hardly even hold him for the first three, four days. Well, then I went back and looked at my videos after the postpartum high kind of wore off and I'm like oh, it's because I was planking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you were using your whole body to hold yourself up.
Speaker 2:Because I was having back labor and I didn't want my back pressing up against the ground. So it was just, I did not enjoy that, that was not, that was not fun. But and then my water. My water did not break until I started pushing. So and that was another reason why I did not think I was in labor is because my water never broke, it didn't break until I pushed, maybe once or twice, and then I felt it pop and then he came very quickly after that.
Speaker 2:So I pushed, I pushed and then, as he started to transition, I reached down and I felt him and I had this moment of just bliss. I will never forget. Whenever I reached down and I felt his little head. It just like I get emotional talking about it, because it was like for that one moment where he was still a part of me and he was still inside of me, where he was safe. And that's the one thing I miss about pregnancy is him being safe, knowing he's safe inside of me, and it was just that last moment of all. Right now you have to come. I'm very sad about it. Now you have to come. And he, I um, delivered him, and then my husband picked him up and put him on my chest and it was beautiful. And then I delivered my placenta. I want to say maybe 15, 20 minutes after, um, and my placenta was absolutely beautiful. She did.
Speaker 1:I bet with those oysters. I bet she was a good looking placenta.
Speaker 2:She was so pretty and she did so good for him. She took such good care of him.
Speaker 1:That's amazing. I just love that. The call out on the birth pool slash bathtub. You and I talked about this a little bit previously. I did the same thing with my first baby. I was laboring in my big bathtub thinking, you know, I've got this big bathtub and it was horrible because it's so hard and I did not want to be in there, I just wanted to get out.
Speaker 2:And I wanted to get out too, but I was like we're in too deep well you are, we're having a home birth.
Speaker 1:I had what with my first was going to the hospital, so I didn't even believe that I was in labor either. I this is what a clown I was. You should call the hospital and ask them. I didn't know what was going on back then, and so you fast forward to the second time. I'm like I am buying a birth pool, I'm getting a birth pool. Well, I had a midwife until the end, and when that whole thing dissipated, I decided to buy my own birth pool, and it is night and day difference. So next time, get the birth pool.
Speaker 2:When I found out that they have like soft sides and a soft floor and they were big and they had handles, I was like, oh, how did I do that to myself? I probably felt more misery for no reason.
Speaker 1:I do think that more midwives should talk about this home birth, midwives that are attending births Mine at the time, did you know? She was like yes, there's, there are big benefits to this, but I don't think that sometimes the emphasis is there enough and it really does make a difference, especially the handles. I loved holding onto the handles and like floating back and forth in the water Because, like you said, that zero gravity feeling that comes with being in a deep pool. So for those listening, get the birth pool it makes the difference.
Speaker 2:Yes, get it, opt for it. Don't labor in your bath, don't give birth in your bathtub the way I did. That was no.
Speaker 1:If you want a water birth, get the pool. It's worth it and you'll find a way from there forward. But that's so beautiful. I'm so glad that you had a beautiful experience just being home, being safe, being, you know, in your space at home, not being bombarded with questions and lights, and oh yeah all the other nonsense my midwives.
Speaker 2:My midwives did absolutely incredible with allowing physiological birth to happen. It. They were not like. I don't even remember them being in the room. I don't remember there was never at one point where they were distracting or anything like that. I think they honestly just hung out in the living room until my husband went and said, hey, he's about to come. And then they came. I had the lights off. I had my, my labor playlist going, which, looking back, I should have put way more songs on there because, um, you're a good, good father played probably five times do you remember what?
Speaker 1:do you remember what song was playing when he came out? Or did someone catch it on video?
Speaker 2:um brody, do you remember? No, I don't, I don't think, I'm not sure, but new york, I don't know why, but that one just really stuck in my head. It played so many times and I was like I'm so sorry to everybody around me.
Speaker 1:Hey, maybe that was the one that was playing. You never know.
Speaker 2:It could be. My B-wide is sticking in my head.
Speaker 1:It could be. It could be. My sister had a physiological birth for her third baby after so she had two C-sections and then a natural birth at a birthing center and she had a playlist going and it did loop, like you said, and she asked the same question. She was like what song was playing when I gave birth? I'm like I have no idea. I was too busy watching you give birth. I do not remember, but I recorded while she was giving birth and we went back and I turned the volume way up to see whatever song was playing and it was very significant to her, so maybe yours might be significant to you. Um, water breaking less than 15% of women's water break or less. I think it's like eight to 15% of women's water breaks before they're in the pushing phase, and I didn't know that until I didn't either, until just now.
Speaker 1:And that's something that I think we all watch these movies or TV shows, like on Friends when, oh, my water broke everywhere. Now I'm in labor.
Speaker 2:And that's what we think. It's this huge gush and then the woman's screaming in pain moments later.
Speaker 1:Yep, and that's not how it is. My water broke for my first and it trickled with my second and it didn't break with my third until I was in the pool pushing like you were.
Speaker 2:So it can be different. Nothing is an indicator of labor except labor itself.
Speaker 1:You know what, when the head is coming out, that's the good indicator, right?
Speaker 2:That's yes.
Speaker 1:Well, I love it. Thank you for sharing your story on birth. I hope that it encourages other women. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. As you're hearing now, this was part one and there is going to be a part two we are going to dive into. So much for tuning into today's episode. As you're hearing now, this was part one and there is going to be a part two. We are going to dive into so much more, from cloth diapering to being a stay-at-home mom and more.
Speaker 1:So be sure to tune in next week. In the meantime, you can follow her on Instagram at Hayden H-A-D-E-N. Dot. Lee L-E-E dot Johnson. H-a-d-e-n. Dot Lee L-E-E dot Johnson. We're on TikTok at Hayden H-E-Y-Y-D-E-N and, as always, thank you for tuning in and for being on this journey with us. If you'd like to follow the Radiant Mission outside the podcast, you can do so on Facebook, instagram or YouTube. Today we are going to close with Jeremiah 17, verses seven through eight Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. We're wishing you a radiant week and we will see you next time. Bye, everyone.
